For most of my life, my friends have rolled their eyes at me, told me they were busy on the phone and left jars full of raccoon urine in my heating ducts. I thought I was destined to live a lonely life of stone soup making and stamp collecting, until I saw this ad for High Fructose Corn Syrup:
Now, I've realized if I make up my own scientific studies using your multi-million dollar funded research laboratory and then provide my findings in my usual aggressive, boastful manner, I can make friends like a factory! In fact, my new friend "Steve-mo-tron" and I are sitting her on our third Popsicle each and he now agrees with everything I say as long as I give him more sugar every 15 minutes. Thanks, High Fructose Corn Syrup!!!