Showing posts from June, 2009

Number 20: Solitaire

Quick: What is the most used computer application in the world? If you said Solitaire, you win a bucket of fried chicken. Bill Gates has told us that more people use solitaire than any other program included with windows. This seems to suggest something very negative about our culture/civilization, although I'm not sure what. Post your thoughts in the comments.

The pleasures of solitaire are simple. It's accessible, easy to understand, and requires little time, yet is just complex enough to be interesting. How many computer games can you say that about?

And who can't say that they have felt a vague sense of release and returning boredom after watching the cards bounce around the screen after winning a hand? Just think of how much slight joy those bouncing cards have brought to millions of people who only moments earlier were bored.

Oddly, no other top PC games list I read included this game. Millions of people have played it; I'd estimate more than 20 percent of the world…

Part 2: Carl Winslow


Joey Timeline Part two

709 AD.- After many years living in isolation in the frozen tundra, training his body and mind, Joey returns to civilization, leaving destruction and chaos after his every foot step, so that he can return an overdue copy of Garfield's adventure to the library of Alexandria only to realize that the library had been burnt down a few hundred years before. Slightly annoyed Joey returns to his training.

758 AD.- A man living in what is now modern Romania makes a wise crack about Ninhurshaga's curse on her husband. Joey flips out and kills and resurrects and kills the man for 10 days straight. When later interviewed about the incident, he said "what he said man, too soon, too soon."

888 A.D.- Joey makes his triumphant return to civilization. To mark the occasion, Joey decides to sack Rome. Upon reaching Rome, he realized that the Roman Empire had fallen 550 years prior. In his furry Joey destroys the moon.

1002 A.D.- JOEY discovers America, not that bitch Leif Erickson…

Celebrities Flying Through Space Part 1:Andy Rooney


The Top 20 PC Games of All Time

Have you ever read one of those lists of the top 20 or 10 or 100 PC games of all time at some internet website? Well, in my quest to be a real American hero, I'm going to be counting down the top 20 PC games of all time on our fabulous blog one post at a time just like those big name websites. In my preparatory research, I have noticed most of the other lists have two common themes.

Firstly, they have major gaps. Some only focus on first person shooters and strategy games leaving other genres in the cold or with only a token mention. Most lists leave out older games and adventure games in addition to whatever kind of game the author of the list was ignorant about despite being a site that is supposed an expert opinion.

Secondly, every list acts like it is the definitive list of PC games because they are experts of unquestioned authority. There are so many thousands of PC games in existence going back decades. How could anyone have played a quarter of these games in depth? Yet, becau…

QG 3

I just spent a day playing and beating quest for glory 3. Pretty quickly considering how I have recently stated that it was the worst one of the original four. Maybe it's because I'm in the midst of another QG binge but I was especially hooked this time through. QG3 is the one I played the second most as a kid. Somehow I had more patience back then.

I've always found QG3 to be the most frustrating one gameplaywise, whereas QG4 is frustrating simply because it has more bugs than a pile of shit. You have to travel long distances which is cool, adding to a more epic feeling on this one. Annoyingly, you always ALWAYs get encountered by some random hideous monster. You can't avoid walking accross a screen and getting cock-blocked. This is why QG3 is the fighter's game. If you can't kill the critters you have to run and when you run it's usually for an eternity. It's hard to remember how many hours of my life I spent running away from dinosaurs back …

Joey Timeline Part one

April 16, 1997 : Young Johnny catches a sandshrew, unwittingly changing the course of human history since this sandshrew is none other than Joey. Joey goes along with the cutesy form of cock fighting while his power grows.

April 17, 1997: Young Johnny learns a friendship lesson.

April 18, 1997: After 48 consecutive hours of playing, young Joey finially evolves into a sandslash. He kicks the asses of Johnny and the rest of his pokemon team. Joey is now the trainer, and Johnny the pirzed cock.

April 20, 1997: The day the music died.

April 31, 1997: Joey, having reached level 125, breaks free from his cartridge prison to wreak havoc on the world.

May 12, 1997: Joey gang bangs Monica Lewinski with Bill Clinton. Joey feels bad since it was HIS sperm on the dress. Then, he remembers he knows flash attack.

May 27, 1997: Joey collects all the dragon balls only to realize they are just shitty plastic knock off. Understandibly, he gets pissed.

1998: After Journeying all the way deep into Asia som…

Friendship Ad

Wanted: BFF
Reward: tons of FUN!!!
Job Description: must be experienced in being awesome. Needs to know how to play Yu-Gi-Oh, my little pony, and pogs. Must constantly wear early 90's bright pastels. Must like listening to Cris Cross ad nausem.

Please, serious applicants only.

About my Absence

I'm well aware of my absence and it length. I have been doing epic things. You see in order to pay the bills I act as a rank 11 crime solving paladin. A crazed youth had posted Deltron 3030 lyrics and discussed at length a trip into space. All his friends thought he was joking in an awkward fashion. They were wrong, dead wrong. This youth, Butter Billy, seemed to have been linked to the thefts of several NASA space shuttles. His finger prints were found all over a spent fuselage I dredged up from the ocean. I also found moonanite stickers plastered all over the the discarded fuselage. Either Billy liked watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force or he had a lunar destination. After having my druid friend cast several charm spells, I got NASA as a whole to loan me a shuttle to investigate the moon. Upon arriving on the moon, I found an odd old man. He seemed to rave in german every once and a while. Without a second thought I slew him and looted his body. I got 35 GP and a luger …

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