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Showing posts from April, 2014

My Top 100 Favorite Songs

So in no particular order, here they are. I've thought about doing some separate posts about some of these songs individually and why I like them and the memories associated with them and maybe I will at some point. I'm not sure this list is set in stone and I think it will change over time, but overall I feel pretty happy with this and I love all of these songs.

The Barbarians - Moulty
The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet
Army Navy - Saints
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Amublance
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Meet Me By the Water
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Alcohol
The Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations
The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!
Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
Camper Van Beethoven - All Her Favorite Fruit
The Magnetic Fields - The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side
The Magnetic Fields - I Think I Need A New Heart
The Magnetic Fields - Strange Powers
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Me & Mia
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Timorous Me
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Bi…

Grass: Pt 1

My father occasionally asks me what I remember of his mother, my grandmother, who died when I was only three.
"Nothing," I always lie.
The truth is I don't remember her but strawberry shortcake and the smell of cigarettes.  A picnic table under a tree and vast expanses of wet grass, made all the more vast by my small size.  Its funny what the mind holds onto.
 I can't remember my first crab feast or most of what I learned in school but I seem to recall a fallen tree.  It must have shaken the Earth when it went down in an ice storm some year.  I remember a piano repairman, a college girl, a landscaper, and a poor old house with no locks on the doors.
Its funny how what you do at once feels unimportant in the grand scheme, but somehow does matter when all is said and done.  Without these memories and experiences who would I be?
I know I left High Point for Rockingham County after a year.
"The grass is always greener" warned my French professor.  You see I was…

How to Find a Monkey's Secret Watering Hole

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I was cleaning out my desk the other day when I found a Spring 2004 copy of Apogee, the literary journal of High Point University.  On page 92, buried beneath a bunch of college poetry and short stories is my how-to on finding water in the desert.  As I recall this and the Bobber Story are the two things I turned in for creative writing assignments throughout high school and college English.  I think its based on one of those wildlife programs you see on Discovery or Nat Geo, so this is actually kind of legit.  Anyway I thought I'd type it up and share it because its weirdly awesome!

How to Find a Monkey's Secret Watering Hole

Ever been lost in the wilderness without any water?  Then pay close attention.  This may save your life.
First you must find a monkey, which pretty much goes without saying.
If no monkey is in sight, look in places where monkeys like to hang out, such as up in trees.  To gain it's trust, offer it something like a banana, but any food item will do, m…

Dr. Phil Found Poem

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This is a poem I wrote using entirely the words that came out of the man's mouth in one episode of Dr. Phil.


Let’s just be honest here. I’ve got some friends that are real mouth-breathers. Do you consider yourself a smart guy? The University of Budapest doesn’t exist. You deserve some help.
She found numerous pictures of your private parts on your phone as well. Are those for distribution? There are some things you need to acknowledge. You’ve got to think about somebody besides yourself and wonder what kind of chaos is going on in her head and here you come in and it’s just urr urr urr urr urr. Do you know what misogynistic means? Do you know what chauvinistic means? Do you know what jerk means?
We’re talking about this and you look like you’re sitting here ready to order lunch. Why is this okay? It’s just wrong. It’s just absolutely wrong. You need to fix it here now.
Women, do y’all wanna see that? I don’t care what they tell you. They don’t want to see that. They don’t want to…

Freur: Doot Doot

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Skeezy has spoken!  I wrote all the songs on little pieces of paper and threw them all up in the air in front of El Gato Loco and he went for Doot Doot.  I threw them again just to make sure and he chose the same piece of paper.  From now on this is how I make all of my important decisions.