Blog Petition III

Its spring and babies are in the air!


Hi all,

I would like you all to sign this petition requesting that Justin and Veronica Tommy eat a stick of deodorant update the blog with a better layout and cooler graphics name their baby Joseph/Josephine. Other than Pyknite, Joey is clearly the best possible name for a baby. Its worked pretty well for me and I, like all people, am a gigantic baby. I'd even be willing to go by Joe or Sunny to avoid confusion. Below I have listed several more reasons why this is a good idea:

1. Baby kangaroos are Joeys.
2. Joey was on Friends. Chicks will use that to flirt all the time when he or she grows up.
3. In future times, the name Joey will be slang for space pirate.
4. I can play the bass fast and loose like some sort of Greek God. Its not genetics or talent. Its the name.
5.I invented fire, the wheel, and cheese pudding.
6. Back in the stone age, Joey was synonymous with "Oh shit! Here comes a Cheetah!"
7. If your baby is indeed The Chosen One as the prophecies have foretold, the intergalactic civil war will end after 9000 years and finally there will be peace in the universe.
8. I have black friends.
9. Lastly, this blog needs more readers and word of mouth isn't really working any more.

So if we can get 100 comments on here I really think you guys should consider it! Again spam counts so have at it Abo-Bder.

I also request that Tommy listen to Knights In White Satin by The Moody Blues while doing this. Thankyouverymuch!

Comments

  1. Hi, this is baby Joey from the future. It is imperative that I be named Joey, otherwise the resistance can never survive. Who is going to respect a rebel leader with the name Randy or Martha? Also, boy that world series in 2317 was a doozy. Who would have thought the Winnipeg Floozies would have tied with the Rochester Robot Computers after the scoreboard holograph fell on top of Jose Canseco the IVXC.

    Also, Immaletyoufinish, but Ed Yeh is the best gigantic baby of all time.

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  2. This is not a comment (but it still counts).

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  3. Tommy, why did you meet Sigourney weaver in a bar?

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  4. If only Myknock were here we could call him Myyak and he'd never correct us on it.

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  5. I may be a giant baby but I'm also the world's dumbest genius. Move over Forrest Gump.

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  6. This post and the comments have been gold. I'll say this, you don't need to get 100 comments for us to consider it. We are considering it.

    Also, I agree about Ed Yeh.

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  7. How many posts do we need to get to have baby Joey eat a stick of deodorant on his/her 18th birthday?

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  8. 1000 but Tommy needs to do it too.

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  9. I'm wondering how we can get the bots to start posting here. Maybe there is some kind of bot signal or bait that we can use to attract them to help us. I'll start by trying to give out a list of what I imagine to be their favorite words: motor oil, sex, pizza, Pokemon, sweaters, apps, hot, ninjas, monkey, stop all the downloading, robot wrestling, Justin Beiber, kegstand, tea party, Obama, games, lobster, jello pudding, monsters in my pocket, dandy, robot Jesus riding a dinosaur, poop or chocolate, artichoke.

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  10. Or just post a link to an artist's webpage, apparently. Where I am going to find a good furniture mover in Medina, if not for Abo-Bder? This furniture isn't going to move itself!

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  11. Phil: this is the correct list: Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Poop or Chocolate, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon.

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  12. Tommy loved the poop or chocolate post. Lets make fun of Tommy until he comments. #imadick

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  13. I'll begin. Tommy is a cool guy.

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  14. Tommy is a smart guy and he's making great strides and I am glad he's found a good job teaching. Keep fighting the good fight.

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  15. I once saw Tommy wrestle a lobster because he voted for add Mountain Dew: Code Red to the vending machine.

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  16. Tommy has finally opened up to the Tabloids about his torrid love affair with Sigourney Weaver and now the world is a better place.

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  17. Tommy has help the anti-sticky things lobby make great strides in recent years with his generous donations.

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  18. Wait, Tommy has a new job? Plus, he makes monkey sounds real good.

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  19. Yeah, Tommy got a job working as a computer science teacher at some kind of technical college, just a few weeks ago.

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  20. I just got an email from one of our friends at the food network who wanted to do a little something to contribute something to our cause . . .

    Hi folks, This if Rachael Ray, here with another Yum-O! recipe for bacon macaroni and cheese. Here goes:

    Ingredients
    1 tablespoon EVOO
    4 Cups of some kind of cheese that you have to drive to the expensive grocery store across town to get
    A few handfuls of Macaroni (I don't really care how much, do whatever you feel)
    Brussel Sprouts . . . You know what, I'm not doing this shit anymore. I've made 742 recipes for macaroni and cheese over the last 23 years. How many fucking different ways can you combine macaroni and cheese? And most of you are just going to look at the delicious pictures and then make some disgusting boxed stuff anyway. I'm done with this shit - all you really want from me is just to look at delicious food and hear me say Yum-O and talk about how my family is Italian and eats pasta for Christmas while you sit on your couch all day. I'm not dancing like your private marionette anymore! Fuck you all! Rachael Ray, out!

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  21. http://www.avclub.com/article/people-freaked-fuck-out-when-dancing-pikachu-malfu-254853

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  22. Who needs another recipe for macaroni and cheese when you can have chocolate toffee Matzo?

    Researchers say "no one".

    http://www.onceuponachef.com/recipes/chocolate-toffee-matzo-crack.html

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  23. Obligatory "it's great crack" comment (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV-gFD7TNeQ#t=00m16s).

    Also, that's good news about Tommy's job!

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  24. What if Ray Ray was just Paula Deen in disguise?

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  25. Ray Ray has way more black friends though. I mean she had Ruben Studdard on her show one time and the banter was so friendly.

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  26. Or what if Paula Deen is just Ray Ray in disguise? And Paula Deen was Ray Ray's commentary on racist cooks.

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  27. Woah. You just blew my mind. Maybe Ray Ray is gonna come out and reveal it was all satire to help take down the butter industry so that she could make sure EVOO was number 1.

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  28. As an Obama operative, Ray Ray has been trying to take down Big Butter for years and years with no success...until she decided to destroy the beast from within as Paula Deen. I found all about this conspiracy from Infowars. I am a hotblooded american man and no communist is going to take my butter away from me.

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  29. Wow, Justin. You are a man and you really do what a man does! Also, good point, Joey, I think Jigglypuff is in on it too. Jigglypuff is clearly trying to put us all to sleep to the ways that butter can make us fat round and pink.

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  30. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSGNNhbUYyw . . . Not a very loyal broncos fan

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  31. Today and tomorrow only: a Tommy Waalkes comment counts as 5!
    Its As I Run's Spring clearance sales event!

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  32. I man with the best of them.

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  33. Hi my name is Tommy. I'm a star QB.

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  34. Hi my name is Tommy. I'm the prom king and I'm really going places!

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  35. Today only: A Joey comment counts as 10! Take that Tommy! It's As I Run's Landmark Date of Achievement Event!

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  36. I'm trying to think of a good comment worthy of 10 points but I cant.

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  37. Ok so I got an email right after I posted. They're finally banning smoking in my apartment complex. I mean WTF Michelle Obama? This is America goddammit. If I want to poison myself I should be allowed to. I'm sick of the man telling me to be healthy. This is a civil liberties thing. I don't like living here enough to quit for them. Fuuuuck That! Yet another reason to get a cabin in the woods.

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  38. What the fuck? Its ok and even encouraged to be sexually attracted to trees (Tommy) but the second you start smoking people flip their shit and discriminate.

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  39. Next your apartment complex is going to ban gluten and then trans fats and then make you go to the doctor before you can renew your lease. You need to get Paula Deen down there to drop some knowledge on them, especially now that she is re-branding as Paula with an edge (kind of like Subway Jared except without the whole attraction to children--I hope.)

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  40. Woah, that sucks! They don't need to give you advance warning? Could that void your lease? I'm guessing not, but it seems like if they should give you more warning.

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  41. Yeah it would have been nice to get some warning. They're telling all the residents to report any smells too. It's fucking Orwellian. Vaping is not allowed either though it's a little easier to hide.

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  42. No vaping either. That is pretty crazy. I wonder why anyone would turn you in though. Like why would they care unless they just had a stick up their butt?

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  43. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsY-BWrvmko

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  44. Dude, I was thinking, if I was dog the Bounty Hunter. I would totally do a Land Of The Lakes Butter Commercial where I said, Hello. Yes, this is dog. And I have Butter. Then the commercial would just show me eating a stick of butter with the king of town.

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  45. Also, one preeminent scholar (Havery Danger, 1998) argued that he had "been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding." Since this time, I don't know of any researchers who have effectively refuted this claim. Does this mean that William and Veronica are stupid? At first I didn't think it could be true since they are both clearly intelligent. However, Harvey Danger has been right about everything else ever.

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  46. First, even if HAVERY Danger said that, since it is HARVEY Danger who is always right, I think this is a bit of a false conundrum. Obviously, Havery Danger was wrong.

    Second, Phil, you of all people should know that there are many types of intelligence. He couldn't be measuring for them all. For example, I'm NASCAR intelligent and Veronica is pastry intelligent.
    Git R dun, whooooooooo!

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  47. What seems to be the ocifer problem? Havery nice day!

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  48. Sheds are tiny barns . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trfHP5LHVNY

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  49. We finally made the big time! Let's get that spam train rolling!

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  50. Dear spammer,

    You can see alien, please? Also, could you please send 500 of your finest Russian bots to friend Tommy on Facebook? And I would like a breakfast of fried eggs and sausage.

    Your Friend,
    Feel

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  51. Updated the original post. Hopefully Abo will try to sell us some arabic furniture now.

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  52. One Chez Lounge, please, Ado-ber! With Leopard Print.

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  53. You're a master fisherman, Joey. You've set the bait, now just to wait for the bite! Oh, and I'll take a chest of drawers, please and thank you!

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  54. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9r8U9JOI7w

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  55. Yes! I came up with this first though.

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  56. You should sue? Or just take the ad revenue. Or stay in Walmart for 72 hours. What a hell that would be.

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  57. Hi Rachel . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naUppHrHJpI

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  58. I think the most interesting part of the Wal-Mart videos are how they made the forts in the middle of the toilet paper shelves in strategic locations where they would not be found. That seems like fun. Although actually sleeping there would not be. This also is going to make me wonder if there are people hiding in the shelves every time I go shopping now.

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  59. Have you guys heard of battle boxes (http://mtgbattlebox.com/rules.html)? I was thinking about building one. It sounds like a lot of fun.

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  60. I had not heard about battle boxes, but it sounds really cool. You should definitely build one. Ironman magic lives on!

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  61. Take it all back is the tubthumping of this generation.

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  62. Tpath's southern accents is better than anything lynyrd skynyrd ever wrote.

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    Replies
    1. Just because your shampoo smells like fruit doesn't mean it tastes like fruit.

      Delete
    2. My life philosophy is if it smells good, you have to eat it. How else did our ancestors discover what was food and what wasn't?

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  63. Congratulations! I agree with everything else you said, except Free Bird. You have to respect Free Bird. Had you said Full Moon Fever though, that might be a different story.

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  64. I made that tpath statement on Facebook and a fist fight nearly broke out so I posted the song red white and blue by "lynyrd skynyrd" and everyone shut up.

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  65. That's smart but it's also dumb.

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  66. Congrats! But it's also smart.

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  67. How about those Hour of Devastation spoilers? Or Commander 2017? So many leaked cards. Do you guys remember when the entire New Phyrexia set was spoiled early?

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  68. I feel a little underwhelmed by the spoilers so far for Hour of Devastation, but honestly planeswalkers rarely excite me much. Most are not constructed playable and they are almost never good in multiplayer. I feel like flavorflee the planeswalkers are a big win and allow for better storytelling. They create interesting decisions from a gameplay standpoint, but often feel like they take over the game or are underwhelming and fragile. Rant over.

    Now the commander 2017 spoilers seem pretty sweet. I like how they are pushing the dragons into different and interesting directions and playing with more multiplayer design space. They really knocked in out of the park with Commander 2016, which in my opinion is in the running for one of the best sets ever (partners for life!). And I'm excited for the tribal themes. I just hope the bring back townsfolk. Or even better they surprise us all with a totally new tribe. No one would see that coming!

    And I doubt that we will ever have an entire set spoiled like New Phrexia again. Unless the Russians hack into Wizards, which seems likely.

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  69. I tried to hit on this girl on okcupid named dadndan by explaining what a dandan was. She didn't reply.

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  70. Yeah I would only a small subset of women would dig an explanation of islandhome.

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  71. "So you may already know this but a Dandan is a giant mythical fish from Arabian Nights. Not really going any where with that statement. Just trying to impress you with my fish knowledge."

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  72. That is a pretty funny and intriguing opening message.

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  73. Ok so here's the plan. We keep commenting until 99 then I'll tell at Tommy until he posts for number 100.

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  74. I think it's a good opening statement, plus it's honest. But maybe you ran into Dandan's fury.

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  75. Yeah the HoD leaks were a bit meh. I did like the 3 mana wrath, if only because it seems like you could play it in an As Foretold deck. But I think it's more janky than good (my kind of card).

    The C17 stuff was really interesting and it looks like they are giving a lot of different legendary options for each tribe, if the Dragon cards are anything to go by. I kind of doubt it will be as good as C16, because I think the partner mechanic was one of the best ideas in years. I really hope they do more, because it opens to the door to unique/interesting combinations. Sometimes I feel like most of the good commanders have been done in all the interesting/good ways, so it's hard to build a really unique deck that's not also crappy. But the partners really change that.

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  76. Fact: hannabi blast is the best card in modern.

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  77. Having died to Hannabi Blast I can confirm this statment is 100% true, though most people haven't picked up on Joey's super secret tech. You do need high luck stats though.

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  78. 12 comments left! minus tommy's 100th comment. Let's do this!

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  79. I agree the three mana wrath is very interesting, but I'm not sure if it is very good especially in commander/60 card casual. It might be more of a card for modern/standard.

    Yeah I agree that it is hard to make commander decks powerful enough but also interesting and unique. I have just started building a lot of decks that are less powerful but on a fun interesting theme and then I'm hope I will just get to have an interesting challenge trying to win with it. But partner does really open a lot of flexibility.

    Hannabi blast is also the most powerful card in legacy and 132-card prismatic pauper cube. And it is a killer combo with call of the herd.

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  80. Also, could we make Tommy compose a rap about Randy Buehler for the 100th post?

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  81. I'm going to suggest it but it's really up to Tommy to come up with something awesome.

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  82. It has to be epic and not something like "hi I'm tommy."

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  83. Yeah, good idea. And I don't think Randy Buehler will send us a pig just because Tommy does a rap about him.

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  84. Ok 3 more after this one. Make them count!

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  85. Moomoohead. Loser patroozer. Shmayweonaise. Myyak. Myknock. Mayank. Debbie bell. Jabba da hutt. Matt bell. Sexy man beast. Mashed potatoes alone in the dark. Something something dark side. If we get a spammer on number 100 well have to get another hundred. That's it! I'm out! Mic drop!

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  86. George Bush doesn't care about black people!

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  87. I am the one preparing the way for Tommy in the wilderness.

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  88. As a member of the moonmilk paladin order and as the high priest of our dank God, the one true Dank God, the Dankness in the darkness, the Ludachrist, I can safely say that you should name your baby, regardless of gender, (I traveled to the future there's like 30 genders, sex get's pretty complicated and no one knows how to make babies save for this dude named Steve, but of course, he's a shaker with a secret porn addiction), you should name your baby Joey HW Waalkes Reid.

    No promises, but he/she/it/shlee could be the chosen Juan and we can't risk it having some bullshit name like Jizzbizz, Hank, Alvin, or like fucking Jake. As a soccer mom, it's import to make sure you use free range laundry detergent that washes out away tough stains/homosexuality. That's why I use only the finest free-range organic detergent, Fucking Clorox Bleach. 9/10 chickens died when I force fed them bleach.

    Fun fact, if you name your baby Hitler, he's not going to have many Jewish friends. Oh also if you name your baby I WILL EAT A STICK OF DEODERANT AND STREAM ON TWITCH ALONG WITH THE SUBSEQUENT CALL TO POISON CONTROL/DRIVE TO THE ER. I will also run for president. Here are my platform:
    1) No more small dick bullshit
    2) I'll get drunk and hang out in France
    3) I'll try to purchase the country of Canada and turn into my own hellish Xanadu
    4) Breaking Bad should come back for a reunion show
    5) This admittly isn't a platform as much as it is an odd thought: I always like the re-edit the grim morose walking dead shows as full house style sitcoms in my head, with quirky fun plotlines where Caaaaarl is having girl trouble in that his gf got bitten by a zombie.
    6) Fucking bring back Hanging with Mr. Cooper already
    7) Cory in the house is the greatest Anime of all time, DBZ is for n00bish fanboys, Hamtaro is a close second.

    So I'm like at the top of the white girl bluegrass trap game. Y'all should check out one of my shows. Oh also, I'm from the future and the past. I peed in a sink once. I was sober too. Just wanted to see what would happen.... Pee went into the sink. No worries though, it was in a Hope College sink.

    Oh also, if you name your baby Joey I'll revive my hit podcast Waalk to the Liquor store where I get drunk and scream at pedestrians. MyKnock sucks at Smash. I'm a super Sayian. Hitler had okay opinions on how to prepare toast, he fucking nuts about his eggs.

    In summation, George Bush 1 and 2 + Barrack Obama should form a band and call it Barry O and the Bureaucrats. Happy Baby day, Billy, name it Billy, I mean Hitler, fuck I mean Joey. Plz liek and subscrib. I'm the greatest Heroes 2 player of all time.

    Gonna go have sex with my Heroes 2 groupies, maybe make some babies of my own, but who honestly takes care the children they sire or like fucking knows their name? #DeadBeatDad #FuckWithMeAndFindOut #SoManyKids

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  89. Joey, maybe you could make a jaded baby-themed banner to celebrate 100 comments.

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  90. 1 Jaded Baby banner coming up! Waffle House!

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  91. Yeah, good idea. And I don't think Randy Buehler will send us a pig just because Tommy does a rap about him.
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    สูตรบาคาร่า

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