Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Point - Counterpoint (Back to School Edition)

Point: I wonder what those high school boys are doing on the back of the bus.
Those boys at the back of the bus sure are laughing hard and making a lot of noise. I wonder if they have the new Pokémon game or maybe one of them has cute puppy pictures on their cell phone. Oh well, I should just go back to thinking about daffodils and sunny days. La la la.
Oh my! What was that words one of those high school boys just said? I have never heard such a word before, but coming from his moth at such a loud volume, it must be something really special. Maybe he is declaring his love for his girlfriend. I have seen him and a high school girl kissing under the bleachers at a football game. It was only on the lips though and then he poked her in the stomach and she squealed before my mom told me not to stare. If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn’t kiss him--that’s gross. I would play my little ponies with him and then bake butter cookies in my easy bake oven.
Being a whole 6 years older than me, those boys must know a lot about the world from how to kiss to how to have lots of friends to how to make a really good snowman. Maybe I should turn to see what all the noise is about so those boys can teach me how to have so much fun.

Counter-point: Look at my cock, little girl.
I fucked your mother last night and she was screaming out my name over and over. She also yelled she wished you were never born and she was going to divorce your father. My dick is huuuuuuge and I go all night, little girl.
You see, when I use this dong to have sex with your mother or your older sister, they beg me for more and more. You can probably hear it when you’re trying to get to sleep at night. Chris, take a picture of this gorgeous cock with your cell phone. Hell yeaaaaa!
I see those tears in your eyes, but I know you can’t look away. And, little girl, the bus driver won’t help you because I'm fucking her too. I’m a fuuuuuuucking machine. But don’t be; I’ll fuck you too, the minute you hit puberty.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Public Service Announcement

After over 3 years, there are two new Friendbear comics. Go to and check them out. If you've already discovered this, then why the hell didn't you tell anyone else??? Selfish assholes!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Cacti From Around the World: Part 2

Saw this while walking around Mt. Zion. It's a gnarly, phallus shaped cactus. Enjoy!

William's Bold and Unfounded Claims: Part 3

The president of Delta Airlines sucks the Devil's dick in hell, i.e. New Jersey, i.e. where GAC is from.

New Blog

New blog good? New blog bad?
I've got kind of a lemon lime thing going here. Is the title card too photo shopped? I was thinking posting a quote or something on it ("State Bird, The Mosquito"). Quote suggestions? Keep the color as is or change it all the time? Old title card? New title card? Title card with quote? If I add a quote it will take "X" work hours and I expect to be fully compensated in clam shells/beer. And finally, Should I cut my hair or grow it out? (Seriously, I need a comment from all 3 of you before I make my final decision.)

Keep Fucking That Chicken.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Wow, Guys: Sierra Mist

Wow the world of religion really is crazy. It's great that we have this awesome blog to make light of it! You know, when I'm writing fictional letters to Jesus from little boys I always enjoy a delicious Sierra Mist. You know, Sierra Mist really gets my creative juices flowing! MMMMMmM!

I know all of us at this blog all love to see Shaq, the NBA's most underrated and hillarious player, in interesting photos. Well, sometimes when I get thirsty when I am composing a beautiful picture of Shaq endorsing something for the sake of a good chuckle, I reach for a refreshing Sierra Mist to help curb my Shaq obsessed thoughts. YeaY!

And finally, aren't lolz humanz great? They really do bring out the lighthearted nature of this crazy species we belong to. So, look guys, here's a new one:

So, wow guys, we've had some great times with these blog. Thanks Sierra Mist!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Introducing Lol Humanz: The Children's Book!!

You will be happy to hear that my series of lolz humans has been so popular that a children's book publisher has asked me to create a lolz humans book for kids about tolerance and diversity. Here is the first page, which will help children understand older people.

William's Bold and Unfounded Claims: Part 2

On the ship of life, I am the boatswain.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Cacti From Around the World: Part 1

I saw this on Mt. Carmel in Haifa today. Possibly the King of Cacti. All hail your majesty! This one goes out to the infinitely irrefutable irrepressible, Joey.

William's Bold and Unfounded Claims: Part 1

Wet Hot American Summer is the Casablanca of our generation.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Lol Humanz

Introducing the first in what hopes to be a glorious serious of internet memes: LOL HUMANZ!!!2!!3!!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

A Letter To Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I have recently read your bestselling book titled "The Bible." I have to say, I'm quite impressed with the character development of the fellow you have named after yourself in the new testament. I was a little bored with the old testament since it told me not to eat pork and well, I love bacon and you cannot take that away from me. Anyway, although overall your book was an immersible and thoughtful read, I'm writing to express my anger with your views on Spiderman II.

Jesus, how dare you compare yourself to Spiderman!! Spiderman is a superhero after all, you of all people should know this or are you illiterate and unable to read comic books? You might think that Spiderman II was just a movie comparable to your mundane life, but you're wrong. I masturbate to Spiderman every night. It made more money that you will ever have in 20 lifetimes as a carpenter. Just because you saved humanity from sin doesn't mean shit without money. In summary, Spiderman could beat you up in a fight even when you are walking on water with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus on your side.

Don't forget to wipe,