Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Introducing Apache Chief's First Album: A Rock Opera

The year is 1267 and an advanced alien race has declared war on humanity to deplete the earth of its natural resources and leave it like a waded burger king bag on the side of the road. The aliens main weaponry consists of a mass distraction device called the serotonin thunderdome, a massive screen displaying images and playing sounds that stimulate the pleasure centers in the human brain, making all humans unwilling to do anything but sit and stare at the screen while they die of starvation. American Indians and Europeans, who are unaware of one another’s existence, all sit side by side in arm chairs, trapped in their own ecstasy inside the alien spaceships hovering around earth (Leaf Erikson was a myth made up by the sasquatch community). For some reason on the aboriginal Australians are the only ones immune to the serotonin thunderdome and therefore must fight the intelligent, but physically weak alien race on their own, until . . .

The Singing Postman arrives in his time machine possessing advanced human technology from the year 1974.Will the aliens be mesmerized by his amazing songs about world peace and express mail? Will the Singing Postman fall in love with the daughter of the leader of the alien race because the corporations backing the multi-million dollar movie production demanded the movie become more accessible?  Who will deliver Martha Filburn’s homemade cookies to her grandson at 305 Grandwood Lane while the Singing Postman is living in the past.

The course of human history changes this summer 2011.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Wedding Gift

You all probably know that I got married yesterday (woah, it's almost like I'm a grown-up or something). Everything went really well and I was pleased with the ceremony, the judge, etc. And if you want to see me looking a bit goofy in formal wear, I'm sure Veronica will be putting photos up on facebook eventually. EDIT: And here they are. If you don't have facebook, check them out here on Flickr. However, the point of this post is to share a gift I got from Veronica on our wedding day:

I thought this was a really cool gift! Maybe I'm biased, but I think she did a fantastic job with the art and formatting. Plus, I get delicious food and back rubs. It definitely reminded me of some of the classic homemade cards I've seen over the years (some featuring myself). I'm thinking of putting this in my equipment deck. Additionally, you might not be able to tell from the photo above, but she used glossy paper, so it has a foil look to it. Hopefully, this picture captures it better:

I should be home on the 14th or 15th of Dec. I'm looking forward to the post-marriage, post-wedding bachelor party.

Monday, November 1, 2010

PokeGrammar: Sandslash

I've decided to start a new series based around my time in the Japanese jungle. I live amongst the Pokemon as a weedle for several months. They accepted me as one of their own. I believe I have decoded some of the basics of Pokemon language. Enjoy the fruits of my labor:

SANDSLASH: why hello there kind sir/madaam. Fine morrow we are having.

Slash Sandslash: typically signifies the subjunctive or jussive use in a sentence of clause

SAAAAAAND Slash: A past participle, usually only used in vulgar modicums

slash slash: I fucked your mom

Slaaaaash sandslash slash slash slash slash slash: Sandslash has gone berserk and is slaughtering you or one of your loved ones, or he is asking the time. It depends on the context.

Slash slash slash slash slash sandslash sandslash: Sandslash is relying a diatribe on the struggle of modern man amidst a world decked in magpie friendly culture. He is contemplating the assertions set forth by modern philosophers and religions and begging the question as to whether society has culturally really made any progress in terms of human rights and the natural laws inherent to humanity. Or Sandslash is taking a massive shit.

Slash: Sandslash is doing a slash attack.