In his first interview after coming out of the closet, Brewster Butler who despite his sexuality is still an the same errotic adventurer sits down with me for an exclusive heart to heart in his lavish leather manshion.
Tommy: Hey brew brew why don't you have a seat?
T: So what's this new album about?
B: it's entitled hitting people with pillows, the single is I wanna have a snowball fight
T: What's your favorite emotion?
B: I love being in love lawl!
T: Why is it your favorite?
B: because it brings me closer to Jesus.
T: What's your guilty pleasure?
B: I like reading twilight novels and then renacting them with land before time puppets and myself I'm ALWAYS Bella. He cant help but sympathize with her. I mean shit he's ridiculously clumsy and has brown hair as well. yours?
T:rubbing ma nipples. Tell me about a time you were happy.
B: that's all the time. but seriously Tom Tom, back in November 1993 I was at this dance party one night with a bunch of friends because shit I love to DANCE, but only with guys, I can't dance with girls. The mere THOUGHT of dancing with girls is just stomach churning. But in any case everything was cool, I danced with my friend Guido some guy who is a DIRTY dancer. But then I started dancing with this other guy. I mean I'd only ever talked to him a few times. Like three. But shit we danced, we DANCED and then oh hey we made out a lot too. And by a lot I mean A LOT. I never saw him again but it was a good night! What makes you happy?
T: okey dokey, I'm happy when I sniff glue then go to see you! Who would you rather do Miley Cyrus, Mathew Broddrick, or Micheal Buckley?
B: Mathew Broddrick
T: Crunchy or creamy peanut butter?
B: I fucking hate peanut butter!
B: It is terribleness times nine thousand
T: WHAT NINE THOUSAND!?!?!!?
B: It smells putrid, god fucking awful. In kindergarden, Some one threw up in my peanut butter sandwhich when I wasn't looking and actualy made it taste BETTER.
T: Was that a positive experience for you?
B: no dipshit it was not
T: What helps you remember things? Any tips or tricks for the struggling student?
B: I Hide things in small color coded crevices such as as the space between the bathroom counter and the small trash bin. Organization is good.
T: Drug of choice, excluding life.
B: I've taken pretty much every drug and I have to tell you, I'm not too keen on any of them anymore. I mean nothing gave me any englightenment or life changing experiences. Oh but shit, my wardrobe improved. Any time I got high or was trashed off my ass on anything I went and bought some nice ass designer shoes. So I've got a pretty fucking sweet wardrobe now thanks to drugs.
T: What's your favorite Cliche?
B: a Penny saved is a penny Earned.
T: well okay then that just about wraps everything up. Looks like the syanide I gave you is starting to kick in.
B: WHAT THE HELL YOU BAST-
T: tune in next time when I go face to face with the question puzzling modern man: Prada or Guiche?
I walk out helping myself to any valuables. Brewster's corpse is flicking me off the whole time.