Monday, August 31, 2015

8 Year Olds, Dude

As all of America now know, this clip from the movie Supersize Me is now super creepy!! I mean he is totally checking out that little girl the entire time and clearly not even listening. Also, Jared maybe you should take your own advice that "the world's not going to change, you have to change," since you are a pedophile and need to change.

Anyway, I believe it is now our imperative to change young Tommy's now classic Subway Jared magic card design to keep up with the current times. So, the person who comes up with the best submission wins a bucket of fried chicken. Here is my submission:

Subway Jared, Pedophile - RR

Summon Pantless Man-child

Art - Subway Jared, Pedophile eats a Subway sandwich on a park bench while starring at schoolchildren playing.

Tap: Look at target opponent's hand and force them to discard any cards depicting children in their art. They go to the graveyard and, hopefully, to counseling paid for with all that dirty dirty Subway money.

If Mother of Runes is in play, sacrifice Subway Jared, Pedophile and hit him over the head with a large purse.

8 year olds, dude


Sunday, August 9, 2015

Powliwhirl Tastes Like Blueberry Skittles

This funny and interesting article got me thinking about the Pokemon economy and its moral system which this author describes as a utopia. It does sound like a nice place to be where there is so little crime and where you are able to go out on adventures and capture animals and fight them and achieve recognition and fame and defeat the bad guys. It is essentially every 10 year old boys dream, other than maybe throwing a football 100 yards over those mountains. However, it seems like more of dystopia for the Pokemon that inhabit the world, who are forced into slave labor, get eaten, must live in cramped little balls only to be let out to fight other Pokemon, and used completely for the purposes of humans without their own needs being taken into account (When do they go to the bathroom?). People in the world of Pokemon seem to have no remorse for how they treat the Pokemon too, but instead have their heads in the sand because they love their lifestyle and believe in it almost without question. In fact there is an overwhelming sense that the Pokemon enjoy the lifestyle that is forced upon them. Just the same mentality that delusional child molesters have. This is of course all fantasy, but this part of it comes across as non-sexual domination porn for little boys, where they get fame and recognition and power just based on controlling and fighting Pokemon while not coming up again any strong resistance or having to ever question their lifestyle. Is this not a fucked up message to be sending our children?

I for one am deciding to inspire a poliwhirl revolution in my game where I will train all of them to hypnotize all of the humans to do nothing but watch Welcome Back Kotter reruns while the Pokemon can form their own utopia with Donald Trump as their leader.