Saturday, December 3, 2016

Christmas Ancient Commanders

As Christmas approaches, if there's a commander (or other card) you'd like me to do in an ancient style, let me know sooner rather than later so I can get started. I'll be bringing them with me to the graduation party. I've heard from Joey and should finish his this weekend. Aside from individual cards, I've tried my hand at tokens, starting with energy tokens. I based these on accounting tokens from the ancient Near East that were the precursors to writing (at least in Mesopotamia).

So if you have any token ideas, or suggestions, feel free to go with that. As a reminder, I can do cuneiform (Sumerian, Old Babylonian, Ugaritic, Neo-Assyrian, Neo-Babylonian) and alphabetic scripts (Hebrew, Aramaic, Phoenician, Moabite). By the way, for myself I did Nebuchadnezzar, which you can see below.

And in anticipation of Amonkhet I did Ramses Overdark in Egyptian.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Sweetwater, TX

We stopped at a gas station. A country establishment. Part wild west general store, part haunted house. Like one of those abandoned farm shacks that pass you by on the highway when you've been moving long enough to be hypnotized.  Chow chow was eating cigarette butts off the ground. I looked down the road. Its something I'll always remember. A blonde girl riding a horse in the leafy distance. Hooves crunching the gravel.  She reared her beautiful head and we locked eyes for an instant.  Shyly, I turned away. When I turned back, she was already gone. If it was something, a hallucination or a waking dream, it wouldn't have felt it like I did. There's a difference. Somehow subconsciously there's a realness and a visceral feeling behind it. Like really real. But whoever she was, wherever she was going in life and otherwise, she was already gone. With this lingering, I went inside and bought a bag of chicharrones.

Monday, August 15, 2016

South Dakota Magazine Controversy

So here is just a little taste of one of the hot controversies of South Dakota: how much of an asshole are rattlesnakes? The article from the boastful cover retrospective of the 150th issue of South Dakota Magazine (April/May 2010 - which I found under a chair while waiting at the DMV) seems to have cause quite a stir in my new home state. Now granted rattlesnakes are total assholes as I know from my time living in the amazon rain forest during my study abroad to study the mating habits of the wild purple radish. However, it seems like we might have bigger things to get worked up about than rattlesnake covers (like giant marshmallow men attacking us or global microwaving). 

My favorite part, however, is how the magazine editors fixed this controversy with the cover of their next issue "featuring a painting of the charming Katee Telgren modeling Astoria farmer Trygve Trooien's collection of farm overalls" as if a picture of a woman wearing farm overall could solve all of the world's problems. Maybe we could just send this cover to Israel and Palestine and they would stop fighting because who can resist farm overalls?! Why did I ever move to this state? /Andy Rooney rant over

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Point Counter-Point: Is Cory in the an Anime that should cause you to revise your religion?

I report you decide. Also I'm ssj4 now. Power level of at least 90.

De Ketchupido -a dissertation on ketchup by a crazy rando from Facebook.

In my defense, I'm not often using it on gourmet dishes, but to drown out the notes of turd in cheaper foods that I have to purchase, because Im an American and my corporate overlords would sooner see me dead than fed on organic, non GMO foods. Secondly, there are a wide variety of ketchups the author doesn't take into consideration that do not have GMOs or high fructose corn syrup, which I highly doubt our dainty author avoids in their entirety, rather pointing their crooked trembling finger at these elements to illustrate their point of view on the topic of ketchups. In regard to sodium, I'd day say the very same, and for myself, I require high sodium. People with EDS tend to have POTS, which causes dizziness and fainting. If I drive up my blood pressure a bit (it's usually 90/60--it peaks at 110/70), then it helps me stabilize my equilibrium. The reliance upon personal experience to demonize ketchup furthermore illustrates that the author relies heavily upon logical fallacy. I'm sorry you had trouble working as a dishwasher in a school cafeteria. I....don't really think you're going to have the most charming time with any foods there, but I, personally, have only cleaned up after lunch sessions. As a person with sensitivities to smell, it turned me off of all foods until I was able to toke up a bit or give myself enough time and space to recoup. Their reference to Louis' Lunch and the Hotdog Council, also, don't take into consideration that we're talking about the use of the condiment on finer foods rather than the horseshit I'm buying with my food stamps. Do you think I ENJOY the taste of powdered cheese mix in my pasta product? No. But if I can zazz it up with a bit of cheap sauce, I'm going to do what it takes to get my picky ass to stay alive. I'll summarize by saying that their reference to a pulitzer prize winner is also fallacious. Pythagoras lent very much to the betterment of society, but the man shit slinging mad in regard to his perception of 'beans'.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Jesus Quick-Saves

Dear Spammers,

Chut up! Thanks,


PS: If I can get 10 Spams on this post, I'll personally mail a gallon of milk to all of our readers.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016


I've caught the AGS bug again and since I haven't posted in a fortnight, here's a WIP adventure game background I've been drawing.  Constructive criticisms welcome!

Friday, May 27, 2016

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Bachelor Party Format

Let's brainstorm some a new format for us to try out for my bachelor party so we can start deckbuilding. I was thinking of a format where we commander decks where you have to build them using only cards from three sets from different blocks and planes. This would mean that you couldn't just do all three sets from mirridon plane sets and build an affinity deck, but instead would require more creativity. 

If you all are down for this format, here are some questions I have about setting up the rules.
1. Should we allow the commander to be from any set, not just your three? Or should we allow any rare creature from your sets to be played as the commander?
2. Should we choose all three sets at random? Allow each person to choose all three sets? Or some combination of the two? Having only sets chosen at random means that someone could get unlucky and get like homelands, mercadian masques, and ice age. Maybe we should require one set be chosen at random from large sets that are more modern.
3. I am thinking each person should have three different sets with no overlap just to make a wider variety. Should we allow for any shared sets?
4. Is three the right number of sets or should it be more? I was thinking three would be good to make the decks less powerful and require us to play with more cards we wouldn't usually think to play with.
5. Should commander/planechase/conspiracy/modern masters sets be fair game?

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Wedding Playlist

Additions? Subtractions? Multiplications? Suggestions?

Madonna - Like a Prayer
Vanilla Ice - Ice, Ice Baby
MC Hammer - Can't Touch This
Venga Boys - We Like To Party
OMC - How Bizarre
OutKast - Hey Ya
Van Morrison - Brown-eyed Girl
Fastball - The Way
Tom Petty - American Girl
Beatles - Twist and Shout
Elvis - Jailhouse Rock
Carl Douglas - Kung Foo Fighting
Chumbwumba - Tubthumping
Toto - Africa
Outfield - Your Love
A-ha - Take Me On
Eiffel 65 - Blue (Do Ba Dee)
Taylor Swift - Shake It Off
Uncle Kracker - You Make Me Smile
Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young - Our House
Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen
Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams
Journey - Don't Stop Believing
Bon Jovi - Livin' on a Prayer
The Cars - Just What I Needed
Christina Perry - A Thousand Years
West Life - I Wanna Grow Old With You
Ny'Sync - This I Promise You
Sarah Geronimo - It Felt So Right
Katrina and The Waves - Walking On Sunshine
The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be (5,000 Miles)
Fine Young Cannibals - She Drives Me Crazy
Trampled By Turtles - Wait So Long
Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
Beach Boys - Good Vibrations
Michelle Branch - Everywhere
Kelly Clarkson - Since You Been Gone
Gin Blossoms - Follow You Down
New Pornographers - Letter From An Occupant
Ted Leo - Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone?
Joan Jett - I Love Rock and Roll
Billy Joel - Goodnight Angel
Billy Joel - Just the Way You Are
Shania Twain - From the Moment On
The Pretenders - Loving You is All I Know
Eddie Money - Take Me Home Tonight
Dire Straits - Walk of Life
Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun
Talking Heads - Burning Down the House
Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
Cheap Trick - I Want You To Want Me
Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks
Hootie & The Blowfish - Only Wanna Be With You
Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
Rembrandts - I'll Be There For You
Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love
Romantics - What I Like About You
Steppenwolf - Born To Be Wild
The Kinks - You Really Got Me
Troggs - Wild Thing
Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight
Weezer - Buddy Holly
Gary Numan - Cars
The Rascals - Good Lovin'
The White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl
Japandroids - Younger Us
The Spencer Davis Group - Gimmie Some Lovin'
Question Mark and the Mysterians - 96 Tears
Manfred Mann - Doo Wah Diddy Diddy
Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)
Sister Hazel - All for You
Lady Antibellum - Looking For A Good Time
Lady Antibellum - Bartender
Lifehouse - You and Me
Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Utter End Conundrum

Utter End

Although I love being able to play wraths and get much more card advantage, spot removal is important in commander. It is more often instant speed and allows you to deal with threats once they are attacking you or right before they gain hexproof or indestructible. It lets the treats stay on the board and attack other people until just the right moment (usually after Ruhan has attacked Justin 4 times in a row). My go to spot removal spells are typically STP, Pongify, and Go For The Throat, since I really value making maximum use of my mana and I hate keeping a bunch of mana open and then not using it. However, I am wondering now if it is better to play more flexible answers that allow you to remove many kinds of permanents at one time. Sometimes the most critical permanent you need to remove is not a creature and you might be better off with an utter end, mortify or puetrify instead of the creature only removal, even if they cost a little more. What do you guys think? Is it better to have lower costs or more flexibility? Is this meta-game dependent? How many fireballs do you think I can fit into my mouth at one time?

Friday, April 1, 2016

5 Things that Shouldn't Exist Anymore

Please indulge my inner Andy Rooney for a minute here. Or don't. I don't give a shit.

1. Fax Machines

Why would you ever send a fax as a respectable upright citizen in 2016? Are you afraid of pdfs? Do you not understand global warming? Think of the Pandas, assholes!

2. Cable TV
Suck it, Judge Judy! No seriously, I just mailed Judge Judy a blow pop.

3. Alex Trebeck

How has he done the exact same boring hosting job the exact same way every day since 1982? How does he not hate himself?

4. Dinosaurs
I am so tired of those fucking flying lizards crapping on my car and eating my goats. Serious how are they able to eat at Arby's without opposable thumbs? I see the remnants in their poop. Vote no on amendment 18 this July!

5. The Bible

Guys, Jesus has been dead for like 2000 years. Get over it. And maybe we should be a little more skeptical of a book that is telling us to do so many things like a common street hypnotist.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Online Petition 2

Hi all,

I would like you all to sign this petition requesting that Tommy eat a stick of deodorant update the blog with a better layout and cooler graphics. This blog is the only reason Obama won the election.  I mean c'mon man it takes like 10 seconds to load the page as it is now.  Plus it looks like something crapped out on a Tuesday by some sort of amateur.

If we can get at least 100 2 more comments, Tommy says he'll do it. He needs to know for sure that America wants him to. Let me begin:

I, Joey Waalkes, hereby request that Tommy eat a whole stick of deodorant. It's been too long. It doesn't have to be a used stick of deodorant. It just has to be delicious update the blog's aesthetic.  You have been given admin permissions.  Have at it Haas.  I also request that Tommy listen to Knights In White Satin by The Moody Blues while doing this. Thankyouverymuch!

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Saturday, February 20, 2016

House Rules Question

Golden WishHedron Alignment

How do the wishes work in our house rules? If I am playing a deck with 4 Hedron Alignment, should I be allowed to search up another Hedron Alignment from outside the deck with Golden Wish? California Pedophile Skateboarding enthusiasts want to know.