Showing posts from 2013

Another Card from the Tizzle Collection


Crazy Gnome


Tizzle, Rough Rider For Jesus


Top 10 Prettiest Ponies

Welcome to this year's top ten list: The Top Ten Prettiest Ponies!!

Each pony is presented without explanation, since its individual prettiness has been well documented in other places and should be entirely self evident. If you are unable to recognize the indisputable prettiness of any of these ponies, then you are severely lacking in the friendship department and should immediately seek the help of a motivational speaker who can help you understand the true magic of friendship.




Coming Soon!


Tobacco Is Wacko If You're A Teen

Important Semi-Official Blog Announcement:


Obama Comics the Movie

I've been thinking about doing a kickerstarter to finance Obama comics the Movie. Thoughts? Concerns? Will this be ego-driven project that only I will find funny? Yes. Is this a clever way to get some beer money. Yes.

Here's how this will work:
I sit down and learn animation at the most rudimentary possible level and then imbibe fine alcohol until I am drunk. After these actions I will procede to make a movie about all the evil shit Obama does and voice act everything. I will probably have to finish it once I sober up, but I feel I can make a dynomite product.

I heard Joe C liked Reba

Hey guys, I'm busy running a burger empire and working on grad school applications, but I wanted to make a quick post about how Joey loves the musical styling of Reba, so much that he likes her on Facebook. He also likes Ashley Tisdale, JB, MJ, and holy fuck this is why I hate going into the music section with people. Every 2 fucking sections I hear, "Ho man Tommy, I bet you like Katy Perry HAR HAR HAR." The joke is that I obviously don't, but it gets made a minimum of 12.5 times before we get through the cd section. Don't even get me started about the barbie isle at Toys R' Us.

I Should Probably Do Something Constructive... Oops SKYRIM!

As you all may have heard I'm really getting into Vinyl Records now.  I'm trying to build a respectable collection of records to add to our already schweet 60's - 70's era collection.  I currently only have Arcade Fire's Funeral for new stuff but I'm trying to get a couple new albums.  Below is my list of possibles.  I'm getting 2 albums.  My taste in music varies over time but vinyl is forever so I need to pick a couple solid items.  Wanted to see what you guys would pick because I can't narrow it down.  If there's any awesome possibilities I'm forgetting feel free to let me know.  List:

Sun Kil Moon - Ghosts of the Great Highway
Spoon - Girls Can Tell
Frightened Rabbit - Midnight Organ Fight
Broken Social Scene - You forgot in people
Blink 182 - Blink 182
Archers of Loaf - White Trash Heroes
Foo Fighters - The Color And The Shape
Bon Iver - For Emma
Nirvana - Nevermind
U2 - Joshua Tree
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication

Also the kitty keep…

Christmas Commander Time

I think it's time to start thinking about Christmas Commanders. If you are still interested, I would turn a commander of your choice into an ancient version. To recap, the first ones I did were in Ugaritic, and the second group were Akkadian (in Old Babylonian script). I can do Akkadian in Neo-Assyrian script in clay or Middle Egyptian on papyrus, archaic Hebrew, Phoenician, or Old Aramaic on clay or potsherds. You are welcome to choose whatever you'd like, although for Egyptian or Akkadian, commanders with less text would be better. Also, I was thinking that if someone wanted a Theros commander, perhaps master Thomas could translate it into Greek/Latin and then Veronica could do the art (maybe based on some period relevant art provided by T-wizzle). I know wizards has done promo cards in Latin and Greek, so that would be a good starting place to see how they dealt with some of the technical terms. So sound off in the comments with what you'd like.

Point-Counter Point: I want my Fucking Nuggets

 Dear Mac Donalds of Toledo,
So I kind came to this MackyD's for breakfast wanting some nuggets. Much to my chagrin, they currently unavailable. I think that not serving chicken nuggets at 6am is terrible business practice. Moreover, it's a crime against humanity. I didn't train for years under master Roshi honing my technique, carefully building my chi powers, and pushing the limits of my mind and body to be denied my fried chicken breast meat nuggets. I would like to formally petition MacDonald's HQ to alter their erroneous ways. Because  at the end of the day, I'm a hard working gal who just wants some chicken titty meat.
Melodi Dushane

Bitch what the hell are you talking about? This is god damn mac donalds not a motherfucking french deli. Lower your damn expectations. You ain't no super sayian. You probably couldn't handle that punk-bitch Radtiz. Calm down. There's a chicken sandwhich that's basically a chicken…

Christianity is Stupid

This song not only summarizies my entire worldview in a succinct and direct manner, but also could be an excellent SPD cover . . .


We don't have no plastic L.A. Frynds,
ain't on the edge of no popular trend.
Ain't never seen the inside of that magazine GQ.
We don't care if you 're a lawyer, or a texas oil man,
or some waitress busting ass in some liquor stand.
If you got Soul
We hang out with people just like you

My hair's turning white,
my neck's always been red,
my collar's still blue,
we've always been here
just trying to sing the truth to you.
Yes you could say
we've always been,
Red, White, and Blue

Ride our own bikes To Sturgis
we pay our own dues,
smoking camels, drinking domestic BREWS
You want to know where I have been
just look at my hands
Yeah, I've driven by the White House,
Spent some time in jail.
Momma cried but she still wouldn't pay my bail.
I ain't been no angel,
But even God, he understands.

My hair's turning white,
my neck's always been red,
my collar's still blue,
we've always been here
just trying to sing the t…
Just Watch the opening part as the camera angle shifts up and down, and Glen Beck blathers aimlessly. I feel as if Beck is trying to hypnotize his audience into thinking using the N-Word is okay.

Top 10 Dragon's Maze Cards for Commander, Part 2

5. Sire of Insanity Sire of Insanity will steal your lunch money and then use it to buy pornography and sneak the pornography in your locker and tip off the principal so you will get suspended and your mom will take away your Playstation. He is a jerk with the Midas touch and he does not fuck around. There is not waiting until he dies or until your next upkeep. No, he makes everyone lose their hand immediately while leaving his beefy body around to bully all the utility creatures on the board. Sire really punishes slower decks and if you are able to accelerate him out early could be quite devastation at bringing the game to a standstill while everyone is in top deck mode. Granted if people are playing graveyard recursion you might end up helping them more than hurting them, but you can always play graveyard recursion yourself or be packing a fair amount of graveyard hate. He is powerful and in the right situation can net you a huge amount of card advantage, but expect for your opponen…

Top 10 Dragon's Maze Cards for Commander

Now new and improved with (hopefully) 100% fewer silly mistakes, my top ten commander list is back with Dragon's Maze to make your day 110% more exciting.
10. Zhur-Taa Ancient

While he does come with his risks, Zhur-Taa Ancient is a sizeable body for only 5 mana. Seven power is nothing to sneeze at, allowing him to command some decent board presence. However, the real reason this old guy with the huge neck makes it on the list is his mana doubling ability. At first glance, doubling everyone's mana at the table might seem like it is putting you at a massive disadvantage since all of your opponents get access to double the mana before you do. Yet, they will not necessarily be using all of that mana to go after you, especially if there is someone more powerful at the table and in the right position it can be an excellent way to boost certain players at the table to accelerate their board presence or pull off a massive fireball to catch up with a player who is running away with th…

Asparagus Kraj

I've been doing some spring cleaning of my commander decks recently.  Editing, making, or taking apart commander decks.  One such deck I feel that I have been neglecting and am considering dismantling is the Kraj deck.  Its a super durdley deck that takes a lot of skill and brain power to operate.  I never play it and its confusing as shit.  The thing is I haven't got the heart to take it apart.  I think its a cool commander and a powerful deck.  For these reasons, I suggest Phil take the deck to edit and play.  Kraj deserves a good home.

Let's look at Kraj and what he does.  First off, he puts 1/1 counters on any creature.  Seems good.  There's a lot of counter stuff going on these days so this card has aged well.  He's good with Persist, evolve, graft, and even spikes.  He makes creatures bigger too so even if those targets have no activated abilities they can still get a little boost.  The activated ability part cannot be overlooked either.  There's tons of…

Shandalar Speculation

So I know you have been intrigued by the cycle of rings in M13 that are said to come from the plane of Shandalar along with Onakkee Catacomb from the recent Planechase set . . . 

and the flavor text on Talrand's Invocation. 

Why would Wizards randomly be referencing Shandalar in one of its core sets? Surely Gleemax must have some sort of master plan for which this is a teaser. Why remind us of this plane from a nearly forgotten computer game of the late 90s without some kind of purpose? It isn't as if this world had many defining features or emotional resonance aside from being part of a fun game.
Over the months, my curiosity had faded from hearing all of these references last summer, but then I heard this question from a Q & A panel with R & D at PAX East. While they don't say anything specifically about Shandalar, the vision they have for making magic more accessible to those who aren't connected to other magic players seems like it would be fit perfectly wi…


Name: Undecided
Gender: Unknown
Stats: 18/00 Strength, 19 Agility, 9 Constitution, 5 Intelligence, 4 Wisdom, 24 Charisma
Class: Cat
Schooling: Leesville Rd High School Parking Lot Class of 2013
Interests: Hackie Sack, Eating Kibble, Attacking Shoes, Running Around In Circles For No Apparent Reason
Special Abilities: ADHD, Slash Attack, Bite Attack
Favorite Movie: Life of Pi

TŠIF - Thank Šamaš it's Friday

Here are some thoughts/experiences, which I've recently had:

Yesterday, while walking home Veronica and I passed a woman yelling into her phone, "When you die it's not all unicorns and rainbows..." Her volume was set to 11.

We should start a band that only plays in slow motion, at least in our rocking music videos.

I want to make a Minecraft scale model of the city of Ugarit, although maybe something like Carchemish or maybe a Neo-Assyrian palace. Whose up to join me in what will inevitably be hours and hours of hard, thankless labor for no real good reason?

By the way, new banner…now I'm hungry.

Here's something I was reading for my Akkadian class. It is a liver omen. So if you kill a sheep and look at it's liver and see the following, you'll know what to do.

BE IGI.BAR ki-ma BAD-ma u3 ši-lum i-na ŠA3-ša na-di aš-ša-at LU2 i-ni-a-ak-ma mu-sa3 i-ṣa-ba-as-si2-i-ma i-da-ak-ši
If the naplastum-mark is like the BAD sign and a perforation is sit…

Revisiting My Fearless Magic Predictions

Back three years ago, I made a series of magic-related predictions. Now let's check back in to see how many of them I correctly predicted to see if I am secretly Nostradamus in disguise (also you guys promised me a bucket of fried chicken if I got at least 4 correct).

1. Swords to Plowshares will be reprinted in the next three years. - INCORRECT
So it seems that Wizards feels that Path to Exile is about the high water mark of power for this level of effect. Maybe they have concerns about this and Path coexisting in modern or maybe they feel it would be too dominating in standard. I want to say I heard Mark Rosewater talk about the flavor of STP causing a creature to starting farming was out of the context of how wizards designed the way that white flavor-fully deals with creatures.

2. Control Magic will be reprinted in the next three years. - INCORRECT
This one I'm now pretty sure is not going to happen. Control Magic has a completely realistic power level for standard and is …

My You Make the Card Submission

"Zombie Outbreak"
Black Enchantment
Zombies you control have deathtouch.
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies from damage dealt by a zombie you control, you may put that creature onto the battlefield under your control. It is a black zombie in addition to its other creature types.

Star Wars Episode VII


Brule's Rules

You (and by you I mean my fellow authors of this blog, celebrities, everyone who has ever looked at a webpage on the internet, the chickens pictured below, myself and especially Jared from the Subway commercials who is not a celebrity) are fat!!!! You need to loose some weight. You need to go on a diet. Here are some tips for you if you can spare a few seconds of shoving Doritos into your mouth with your fat sausage fingers to be able to wipe off the dust and click your mouse.

Also, you need to get some exercise fat-ass!!!! Might I suggest Estonia Werewolf Wrestling . . .

For your health!!!!!

I'm Thinking of Opening a KFC Pt. 2

The recession is upon us.  The farm was hit by hard times.  Thanks Obama!  It was especially hard to let the delicious chickens go.  I remember it like it was just yesterday that my inventory would immediately fill up with eggs when I walked in the chicken coop.  I would then have to machine gun throw the eggs against the wall and a baby chicken would hatch 1/8th of the time.  There's so much pixelated beauty in the world.

I'm Thinking of Opening a KFC

I have been farming in Minecraft.  Wheat, Cows, Sheep, and Chickens.  I tried pigs but couldn't find any carrots...  Its time to move on though.  Stay tuned for when I post the images of me letting out the animals!