Saturday, February 22, 2014

Sliver Queen vs. Cranial Extraction

Sliver QueenCranial Extraction

So, Ima gonna be a total asshole in this post to someone who was but a little boy and I am fully aware of that, but it is the one day of the year where I am allowed to be an asshole!

So, back in the golden year of 2004, when men were men and donkeys were chickens and all of the girls smelled like cream cheese, young Tommy opened a cranial extraction, the hot chase rare of the current set valued at at $20 (how quaint!). A few weeks later, I wanted to trade this cranial extraction to a weird guy who drank too much caffeine and lived in a trailer in Hillsborough with magic cards covering the floor of every room (He would later go on to film himself comboing off with dragon storm on some little kid and throwing the card in his face). Tommy, however, refused to let me make this trade because he wanted to hold on to his cranial extraction even though I new cranial extraction was a card that would drop once it rotated out of standard, while Sliver Queen would continue to rise as slivers would always be popular until the end of time or the length of John Stamos's career, whichever comes first. I pleaded with him and he would not do it. If I remember correctly, I believe Tommy ended up trading the Cranial Extraction to Skippy for half of a root beer, a Mogg Flunkie and a dirty sock. I just want to point out that Cranial Extraction is currently valued at about $1 and Sliver Queen is currently valued at $42.

Sorry, Tomy. I'm done being self righteous and I'm sure Emperor Cladius has a special place in purgatory for people like me. You are now allowed to rub jam in my shoes and put bananas under my pillow at some time when I am not paying attention. Also, Philville will offer you political asylum if you ever are force to flee from your home country because your government decrees that you are legally obligated to eat a stick of deodorant.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Join the fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was looking at help wanted ads and found this one for a dishwasher at Dave and Busters.  I thought it was too good not to post.  Keep in mind this job probably pays minimum wage and these guys are actually trying to recruit new dishwashers.

  • The kitchen is a way of life and you can rock the Hobart!
  • You can rock a Friday night and not break a single dish!
  • You are willing to do whatever it takes and there’s no job you will not do!
  • Sanitation is the name of the game.
  • You have a friendly engaging style that our coworkers enjoy!
  • You love working for a growing company.
  • You live, love and embrace a fun, upbeat culture.
  • When you wake up, going to work actually sounds like it could be cool!
  • Dress the part - Chef pants and coat, it does not get better than that!
  • Come in, clock in and join the fun!
  • Quality adherence and sanitation are just a given!
  • We work hard and we play hard, so when you need it - take a break.
  • Back to the floor, showing endless fun!
  • The shift is over – Everything is clean and put away, clock out and call it a day!
  • Days, nights and weekends, we can find a time.
  • First job or second job, it does not matter! Enjoy schedule flexibility!