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Showing posts from March, 2011

Dear Tommy

Dear Tommy,

Oh sorry, it's Linda now. That's going to take some getting used to! Anyway, congratulations on your sex change operation. I hear that everything went off without a hitch! Now you can finally be the woman that you've always been inside. Of course now you'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe but I know you've got a good fashion sense! You've always looked good in Fuchsia! Now that you're a woman you'll have to get a new boyfriend. Don't worry that lucky man will come around sometime soon! Just be wary. Some men will only want you for your feminine looks so use your discretion. Also now that you have to shave three times a day you may need to get a good aftershave. I recommend Aqua Velva! Finally, Don't tell Mom and Dad. We should surprise them this summer! I think they'll understand!

Sincerely,

Joey

Spoils of War

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After eating three plates of indian food for lunch, provided for by the law school. Veronica and I took home this for later:








In addition to that we also got some seafood, which was what the law school provided for dinner:


Law School

What do most people (non-law students) use the Law School for on weekends? A bathroom. The End.

Quack

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For my presentation, I choose to write about my trip to Chicago. While in Chicago I got a chance to visit the famous Chicago Oriental Institute Museum. It was really cool and I saw some mummies on racks. However, the thing that stood out most in my mind was all the ancient Duck artifacts. I have included them below for your enjoyment.
































































It seems the ancients enjoyed ducks as much as we do today. I think we have a lot to learn from ducks, as they are more interested in sex and food than war and evil. If everyone was more interested in food and sex the world would be a better place. I learned a lot on my trip and I hope you learned a lot too. I hope you enjoyed my short presentation and that Mrs. McGuffy gives me an A so I don't fail because of my "lack of focus." Thank you!

This is a public service announcement.

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This Is A Public Service Announcement. Mark Rosewater is Glenn Beck.

Arguementum Atemptum

Hic est signum mulieris.

Spell Checkin'

I have decided to run these names through the spell checker to see how they're correctly spelled.

Joey Waalkes = Joey Walkovers
Randy Bhueler = Randy Bhutanese
Jose Canseco = Jose Cankerous
Barrack Obama = Barrack Alabama
Hideki Matsui = Hideous Catsuit
Gerrard Despardieu = Gerrard desperadoes
Yuthapong Varanukrohchoke = Southhampton (No Spelling Suggestions)
Mogwai = Hogwash

To whom it may regard

Disturbing Email

I have found out something more disturbing than the email where Obama says the hardest thing about his presidency is not being able to go out to a local store or restaurant and have a calm and quiet time of it(WRONG he's supposed to say what Reagan and Bush Sr. said and say the hardest thing was for him to send our boys to defend America from that camel fucker in Iraq. How DARE he express what he sincerely thinks. Selfish ASSHOLE.)

I have hacked into the president's email and found this:

Evil Monkeyman Dictatorship -BBBRRR
Enchantment -American
When this card comes into play,
destroy all players FREEDOM and LIBERTY and
put a 3/8 Black Red Evil Monkey President token into play
that says this creature doesn't give a shit about the rules.
FREEDOM OF SPEECH now means NOTHING.
Players may only continue to play with you if they feed you
arugula or LIES.
Sacrifice if a REAL man is in your presence.
"Mr. President, Grow some BALLS!"
-Joe Six-Pack, a REAL American man

This means only…