Great Moments in Amazon Review History

First off, this highly informative review for the book Does God Ever Speak Through Cats? (Spoiler Alert: Yes!)

Short answer: Yes.

My neighbor's cat once looked me dead in the eye and began to telepathically dictate a lost chapter of the Book of Revelations to me. He explained that he was the angel Gabriel (in cat form), and God had chosen me as his prophet. I tried to write it down, but couldn't figure out how to use a pencil at the time (I'd had a lot of acid earlier that day. Also some Vicodin, opium, and a handful large orange pills).

Obviously, some of my unusual experiences that day could have been related to the drugs, but the cat part was definitely from God.

Second, the reviews for the 1995 Michael Moore satire Canadian Bacon are pretty priceless (e.g., The cast is okay. The message is stupid, socialist!). There was a pretty big influx of negative reviews around 9/11 and the invasion of the war on Iraq that have all aged really well! This 2001 review from Kyle Dunn is my favorite:


Canada. United States of America. Two countries so similar it's sick. For the life of me. Canadian actor, John Candy, should be ashamed to act in a film like this. There is a lot of hilarious things about people from the United States who reside in Canada or Canadians who reside in the U.S. I would know, I am one of those Canadians. I am also a filmmaker, an independent one but, a filmmaker. If I was to make a film in Canada (which I most diffinently will), I will make it so that the U.S. can see what Canada's really "ABOOT." I have never seen one film that took place in a Canadian city. I've seen to many movies that take place in New York and L.A. and Texas and England and Africa (those are where all films take place now a days.) I don't ever see a movie that really takes place in Canada and shows Canadian life. Which to me, is very interesting. There is so much to see in Canada and Canadian life. Rather than joking about legal aliens and illegal aliens and who's country is better, both countries are valuable partners of trade. A cold war would send both nations into a complete depression even though the United States has the bombs!! It's funny, but, one day I will show what it really is like in Canada.

As of this posting Kyle Dunn's name does not appear on imdb as having filmed a movie about Canada or anything else. I am still waiting for my movie about what Canada is ABOOT, Kyle! I really need someone to show me how there is so much in Canada and Canadian life! I want to see what it is that the U.S. and Canada are trading even though the United States has the bombs. No other source of information will be able to help me except your movie, Kyle! America needs to know! If your movie doesn't come out by 2030, I may have to steal your brilliant idea and make the movie myself! Get ready, America!

Shadow Puppet Disco - Slam Dunk

Alex used to have a t-shirt that was a letter to Tom explaining to him the rules of basketball. I'm still left with some many questions about this t-shirt. Had Tom had been living under a rock or just woken up from a coma that he had never heard anything about basketball in his life? Why would you end a letter inexplicably with "slam dunk?" If Tom has never heard of basketball before, how is he going to know what a slam dunk is? If you could think of any adjectives in the world to describe basketball, why would non-violent be your first choice? How do Tom and Dan know each other? Why did Dan choose a short letter as the best format to tell Tom about basketball? Why didn't he try to elaborate more to get him excited about basketball like tell him about the strategy or his favorite players? Did Tom ever make it to a basketball game? What does Tom think about basketball now after reading this letter? Are Tom and Dan still friends now? What was Tom's final grade in AP Calculus? Does Alex still wear this shirt? Does Alex still think this song was pretty good? Who was the mysterious masked man appearing on the back of the long lost SPD album? What if God was one of us? Who put the Al in Alabama? Where do babies come from?

Despite all of these questions, we definitely have something that resembles a non-violent song here. Martin plays a little ditty on the keyboard before eventually going into a very repetitive tune where I read Alex's t-shirt. I remember we just thought this t-shirt was ridiculous and wanted to incorporate it into an SPD song. I think we probably put a total of like a minute and a half of preparation into creating this song before we recorded it. But this might be the most famous song ever about a t-shirt. Can you think of a more famous one?

Now I'm a Baby a Long Way from Home

Here is another long lost SPD track that never made it on one of our albums. It was recorded slightly after we finalized Awareness of Being Alive and it seems like it would fit right in on that album and even maybe be one of the standouts (which isn't that hard to do). I remember Mayank heard this song and told me that he didn't think blackholes worked that way.Also check out the sweet wicker wine bottle lamp from the 70s that our parents used to have. And the sweet digial blasphemy wallpaper on the monitor.

The New Spokesthing for Dia-beetus

 

Wilford Brimley has had a good run as the spokeman for Dia-beetus. But every cowboy finds their time to ramble on down the road to make room for a newer, hipper, and hairier voice in the war on Dia-beetus. Introducting Dia-Geedis . . .
 

Yehhhhhhhhhh!

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Good shit! Stay till the end. George Harrison's son looks just like him when he was younger.