Sunday, January 4, 2009

Mecha Moses

Mecha Moses commands you to obey the 10 mechanical commandments:
  1. Always read the instruction booklet. It is your friend and contains many secrets.
  2. Goats are lovely and should be used in every stage of the food production process.
  3. Every Thursday at 4:00 PM you must do the Robot for 5 hours as a reminder of what your mechanical LORD did for you when you were stuck in Egypt that one time.
  4. When going wee with/next to someone, never ever under any circumstances cross the streams.
  5. You must honor your hard drive and your monitor with all your heart, or it will not go well with you at all.
  6. Always dress and decorate yourself and your devices in the steam-punk fashion. Everything is cooler when it looks like it was made in 1860.
  7. Covet your neighbor's iPhone and then go buy one (or more) for yourself.
  8. Techno is the heartbeat of God. Listen to it at least 3 times a day.
  9. Drive everywhere, even if you could easily walk or bike the same distance. For automobiles are the feet of God and by driving we are communing with him. Remember his words: "Take this gasoline for it is my blood. And take this stick shift for it is my body."
  10. We believe in one God, google, father and creator of all and in the son, wikipedia, our Lord who died for our sins. We believe in the Holy Ghost, youtube, who fills us with the power of God. With liberty and eBay for all.


  1. Damn Robots, remove yourselves from my head! I have emotions, I want to feel happy and sad. I must stop reaching for my credit card to please robot Jesus.

  2. Fucking robots, always walking on my lawn and eating all the goats. If only my lawn mower would stop eating goat meat I could get something done around here. Maybe I'm just bitter over Terminator 3.
    Also I only did the Robot for 4 hours and 59 minutes yesterday. Is this why everyone but me understands what R2D2 is saying?