Friday, April 1, 2016

5 Things that Shouldn't Exist Anymore

Please indulge my inner Andy Rooney for a minute here. Or don't. I don't give a shit.

1. Fax Machines

Why would you ever send a fax as a respectable upright citizen in 2016? Are you afraid of pdfs? Do you not understand global warming? Think of the Pandas, assholes!

2. Cable TV
Suck it, Judge Judy! No seriously, I just mailed Judge Judy a blow pop.

3. Alex Trebeck

How has he done the exact same boring hosting job the exact same way every day since 1982? How does he not hate himself?

4. Dinosaurs
I am so tired of those fucking flying lizards crapping on my car and eating my goats. Serious how are they able to eat at Arby's without opposable thumbs? I see the remnants in their poop. Vote no on amendment 18 this July!

5. The Bible

Guys, Jesus has been dead for like 2000 years. Get over it. And maybe we should be a little more skeptical of a book that is telling us to do so many things like a common street hypnotist.


  1. I agree with all of this and I respect you letting your inner Andy Rooney out. The world need more people like Mr. Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig Pig.

    Regarding number 5: I think the Silmarilion had better character development and an all around better story. Also I heard a rumor Judge Judy is Obama's supreme court nominee. I heard this rumor from @moonunitsexprty, the only news source I follow.

  2. More Andy Rooney, always! Also, more Andy Rooney fan fiction.

    What dinosaurs are you running into lately? Do you mean birds? Or dinosaurs on the internet? Snap keep but only with lasers.

    Regarding number 5, I'll have to object mainly because if we got rid of it, I'd be out of a job. But critical thought and skepticism is needed.

  3. #5 Really???
    Jesus is not dead, my friend. He lives in everyone who accepts Him as a savior. The Old Testament has many out-dated concepts, but as a whole, it is the word and commandments that we must live by for eternal life. I have chosen to accept J.C. as my savior and live accordingly! Bless you!

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