Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Top 20 PC Games of All Time

Have you ever read one of those lists of the top 20 or 10 or 100 PC games of all time at some internet website? Well, in my quest to be a real American hero, I'm going to be counting down the top 20 PC games of all time on our fabulous blog one post at a time just like those big name websites. In my preparatory research, I have noticed most of the other lists have two common themes.

Firstly, they have major gaps. Some only focus on first person shooters and strategy games leaving other genres in the cold or with only a token mention. Most lists leave out older games and adventure games in addition to whatever kind of game the author of the list was ignorant about despite being a site that is supposed an expert opinion.

Secondly, every list acts like it is the definitive list of PC games because they are experts of unquestioned authority. There are so many thousands of PC games in existence going back decades. How could anyone have played a quarter of these games in depth? Yet, because these "experts" can beat their friends at Crysis, they feel like they are the authority on all computer games. It would be nice if at least one list would point out what an absurd and complicated task it is to narrow down the best PC games of all time.

Any idiot can throw every game ever made by Blizzard, a bunch of first person shooters, and The Sims and call it the greatest games, but who will actually go out on a limb and say that their list is total unresearched, impulsive bullshit? Me. I haven't even played many of the games on this list and am not even going to try to base my list on any kind of objective or logical criteria. Instead, I've made my choices because these are the games I felt like putting on my list and if you don't like it, make your own list.

Honorable Mention - Mr. Mayank's SAT Preparation Challenge (1987)

That's right, I'm starting with an SAT preparation game. And a damn good one. Where else can you see your cacti garden grow as you answer SAT questions correctly? Mr. Mayank, an ordinary high school guidance counselor, unfortunately did not sell many copies of this game, but not for the lack of trying. Every weekend he had his booth set up at the flee market and would often position his students in front of grocery stores to compete with the girl scouts. Unfortunately, Mr. Mayank died in a drug overdose in 1998, but his legacy lives on both in this game and in the beautiful cactus garden Joey has grown in an abandoned building to honor his memory.


  1. Napoleon: "This is pretty much the worst video ever made."
    Kipp: "Napoleon, like anyone can even know that."
    Kipp is right. This is why screwattack.com sucks. It's like saying every shot of everclear you take takes 11 minutes off you life. Like anyone can even know the best 10 games of all time.

    As for Mayank's SAT Preparation Challenge. I played it and only got a 1580 on my SAT. Also my cactus died. That's a badass picture.

  2. The more I look at that picture the more it looks like Mayank. I wasn't sold at first, but you've hooked me. Also, do we know a lot of people that die of drug overdoses? I feel like we do. Was it Elmer's?

  3. Response #2:
    Top 10 Games in my closet
    10. Windows 2000 Professional Install CD
    9. Motorola Wireless Notebook Adapter Installation CD.
    8. Approaching the Qur'an audio CD.
    7. A Wind-up Monkey that crashes symbols together.
    6. Star Craft CD case without cd (this would have made higher on the list, but playing with a Star Craft jewel case is only so fun).
    5. Logos Original Languages Bible Software (because the Bible is fun!)
    4. Final Fantasy IV
    3. Star Craft Broodwars Expansion with the actual game inside (And it's a Blizzard game which means me and this list are hip and cool).
    2. Galactic Civilizations II: Dread Lords
    1. Heroes of Might and Magic III

    By the way, this list is totally definitive and objective. These ARE the best games in my closet, end of discussion.

  4. to be honest the only and best game you should play is Redneck Rampage and Halo 3. I mean only a fag would have actually thought about it. Those games have tits, guns, beer, and explosions. It's a like a family reunion for me. Who cares about coherent gameplay when you can use a laser bra!