Thursday, June 25, 2009

Joey Timeline Part two

709 AD.- After many years living in isolation in the frozen tundra, training his body and mind, Joey returns to civilization, leaving destruction and chaos after his every foot step, so that he can return an overdue copy of Garfield's adventure to the library of Alexandria only to realize that the library had been burnt down a few hundred years before. Slightly annoyed Joey returns to his training.

758 AD.- A man living in what is now modern Romania makes a wise crack about Ninhurshaga's curse on her husband. Joey flips out and kills and resurrects and kills the man for 10 days straight. When later interviewed about the incident, he said "what he said man, too soon, too soon."

888 A.D.- Joey makes his triumphant return to civilization. To mark the occasion, Joey decides to sack Rome. Upon reaching Rome, he realized that the Roman Empire had fallen 550 years prior. In his furry Joey destroys the moon.

1002 A.D.- JOEY discovers America, not that bitch Leif Erickson.

1234 AD.- After new years day on this year, Joey has a strange compulsion to change the number on his luggage. Also Joey leads a crusade by himself against the tyranny of Pokemon abuse. In the following 800 years Pokemon abuse is at historically low level in part due to the fact Joey was the only Pokemon in existence. While Joey has gone well past the 999 level cap into random character the game spits out, he still feel like there's more power to be had.

1341 AD.- After penning the rejected duck's tale for the Canterbury Tales, Joey goes on an epic quest to gain more power so he unlock the ultimate and finial Sandslash evolution. He must collect several color coordinated objects to unlock some door or something, I don't know I lost interest after the Lava world.

1342 AD.- Lost in the Sahara desert, Joey hear that the Catholic church has deemed the humorous periodical Hangin with Mr. Cooper to be Heretical. Joey goes into a seething rage that causes numerous Cati plants to sprout around the source of power. The pyramids are destroyed in the commotion, making Ra pee his pants. Joey had just turned into the legendary SUPERSLASH. Joey then invents a video camera, and films the popular tv show Hangin with Mr. Cooper and leaves it burried in the sand for some dipshit UPN executive to find in the 90's.

To be continued...


  1. I hate how Lief Erikson also gets credit for inventing the Teddy Bear.
    P.S. I think you need to get the ghost/zombie of Ed Wood to bring Joey's life story to big screen.

  2. It's hard leaving chaos and destruction after every footstep. I can't lease an appartment and my credit score is crap. It's like King Midas except with lots more explosions, fire, and civil war instead of gold.