Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Joey Timeline Part one

April 16, 1997 : Young Johnny catches a sandshrew, unwittingly changing the course of human history since this sandshrew is none other than Joey. Joey goes along with the cutesy form of cock fighting while his power grows.

April 17, 1997: Young Johnny learns a friendship lesson.

April 18, 1997: After 48 consecutive hours of playing, young Joey finially evolves into a sandslash. He kicks the asses of Johnny and the rest of his pokemon team. Joey is now the trainer, and Johnny the pirzed cock.

April 20, 1997: The day the music died.

April 31, 1997: Joey, having reached level 125, breaks free from his cartridge prison to wreak havoc on the world.

May 12, 1997: Joey gang bangs Monica Lewinski with Bill Clinton. Joey feels bad since it was HIS sperm on the dress. Then, he remembers he knows flash attack.

May 27, 1997: Joey collects all the dragon balls only to realize they are just shitty plastic knock off. Understandibly, he gets pissed.

1998: After Journeying all the way deep into Asia somewhere, Joey gains power over life and death. He then procedes to create puppy genocide just to show how much he doesn't give a fuck.

January 1, 1999: Joey's way too hung over to really do anything. Chills and watch Sandford and Son all day.

March 15, 40 B.C. Joey wakes up in Rome after a night of heavy partying. He tries to save Caesar, but he just shoos him away. Joey regrets dicking around in Latin class during high school.

30 A.D.: Joey becomes an unofficial disciple of Jesus, after Jesus beats him at Tic Tac Toe. Joey learns that while Jesus was cool and all, he could kind of be dick at times. In particular, Jesus made Joey go swimming, though everyone well knows that water hurts ground type pokemon.

125 A.D: Joey sacks Rome.

206 A.D: Joey sacks Rome again mostly out of boredom.

468 A.D: Joey sacks Rome with the help of some barbarian hordes thus ending the ancient era. He COULD have preserved a ton ancient texts but decides to use them as cigs only to realize after smoking them all, that tabaco hadn't been invented yet.

523 A.D: Joey invents the first coffie maker almost a milenium before coffie is imported into Europe. When he tries to sell his invention to the natives. They just tell him to fuck off. Numerous peasants throughout Europe are found dead and full of slash/nibble marks.

666 A.D: As Joey kicks the shit out of some vikings he realizes that he has tons of untapped power and maybe another evolution. He strides off into the wilderness to train up and push the limits of his power...


  1. Sand Sand Sand SLASH!!!

    Pokechu is my life. I chomp on rare candy regularly. As for this puppy genocide thing... Those dogs had it coming always stealing my fruity pebbles! I do regret dicking around in Latin class. That shit was hard. Mrs. Handley caught me cheating once. No joke. NEway, by sacking Rome, don't you mean nut sacking? Oh snap teabag son!

  2. Damn, you couldn't get anything passed Mrs. Handley. I remember there were fewer things more dreadful to me in my high school experience than seeing Mrs. Handley shake around her box of names in preparation to pull a new one out for someone to translate a sentence. Also, I probably would have gotten a grade lower in every Latin class without being able to use derivatives for extra credit on vocabulary quizzes.