Green Mister Prickly
You Are The Camel of Plants
I Name You Randall
I first remember when I first saw my dead cactus for the first time. It was alive then. This was May 2000. It was green. It was prickly. It wasn't beautiful but I loved it. My brother went off to college and left me with the profound responsibility of raising and taking care of it. I was to water it every now and then and put it inside or outside depending on the weather. I was the surrogate father of the plant. It was my honor and my duty to care for it. But now I have found out that it has been murdered. This time it wasn't set on fire. This time it was neglectfully left out without shelter, to brave the elements alone. And so, Cactus, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your mortal remains to the bosom of Boulder Creek which you loved so well. Goodnight sweet prince.
Memorial services will be held Sunday, May 8th at 1:00 PM. Donations can be sent to the Lisa Frank Sticker Fund.
Remember to bring some matches to the service. I'm gonna put it on a little boat and set it on fire. This is the only way to prevent it from going to Hell.
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