Billy Response to His Fangirls

Hey this is Billy,

uh yeah I mean its kinda weird that I breed lust only in prepubescent girls, yet anyone who is even halfway through puberty finds me to be a jackass. Am I like Hannah Montana, minus the toy line, music, TV, Nick Jonas love child, and boobs. I mean like one time I got like a bed sheet with my picture on it, but my friend spilled bleach on it.

So yeah, girls come the fuck down. I like being able to walk through the mall without being ambushed by a hoard of squealy midgets. It's like that one 80's song where the lock on my door had to be changed and shit. Like everyday after sundown, it is just like a zombie movie, but with crazed 12 year old preteens. I have to take a shotgun with me everywhere I go and sleep during the day. They rush into my house pillaging and looking for me and my stuff so they can E-bay it. You would think after one night they'd get bored but no. The more of an asshole I am to them the more they seem to crave me.

They even got my favorite rug and peed all over it. It tied the fucking room together. I mean you can destroy my couch and TV, and replace the water in my pool with disel fuel, but not destroy a classic chineese rug, made Albert Xian himself during his 70's period.

In closing, any rescuse team type marines that want to find me, my house is the one that is filled with hoards of preteens screaming at all hours (though they seem more aggressive at night.) At the very least air drop Jo bros merchandise so they're distracted long enough so I can slip out and find somewhere else to hide. I hear there's a survivor's colony in Vermont.

-Wish me luck,
Billy