Saturday, March 14, 2009

Tommy Timeline Pt.2

301 BC: Tommy conquers France.
319 BC: Tommy conquers Turkey, Greece, and Egypt!
320 BC: Tommy conquers Afghanistan and Pakistan!
321 BC: Tommy conquers India, securing his title as RULER OF THE WORLD!
321 BC: Tommy ushers the Hellenistic Era, Plays Game Boy Advanced!
322 BC: Tommy doesn't conquer China, but who gives a fuck about China or the rest of the Eastern World in Historical Times? I know Tommy doesn't.
323 BC: Tommy spends 620,865 years in The Hyperbolic Time Chamber. 1701 years pass in the real world. Tommy grows immensely powerful, able to reach Super Tommy at will, even when not fighting Freezaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhlemonadeisrefreshingahhhhhhh.
2001: Hey kid, I'm a computer. Stop all the downloading.
2002: Tommy travels back in time to stop the Library of Alexandretta from being burned down by HOBGOBLINS only to find out that Garfield's Great Adventure is checked out. He then lights the match that sets humankind's development back 1,000 years!
48 BC: Tommy travels back to 2009 only to find out that they haven't invented flying chickens yet. He then burns down the interne


  1. Dr. Geoffery's Log, Year 3056: Progress on the flying robot chickens if proceeding nicely. Soon, not only will my chickens be able to lay eggs directly into the hot pans on my stove, but I will also resurrect the ghost of Tommy, who will surely bring salvation to the war-torn city-states of the forest of feelings and care-a-lot.

  2. Wow, sounds like Tommy was really good at Risk during the early 300s BC, except Asia. But who the fuck can hold Asia anyways. It's impossible. Too many borders, even with seven extra men a turn.