Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Plans for the Big Bachelor Party

Joey and I have been hard at work planning the big bachelor party. Here are our plans for far:

1. Danny will pop out of a giant cake wearing nothing but a fanny pack.
2. We will travel deep into the suburban woods, where there will be a porn star pong tournament.
3. We will climb on top of a water tour and Justin will ride down on a unicorn.
4 .Chris will go on a three day drinking binge where he will say, "turn up the zeppelin" and pass out at least 4 times.
5. We will go put-put golfing.
6. We will gamble away Justin's family fortune in Vegas causing Justin to entering into a dramatic balloon race across the world to raise money to pay off his student loans.
7. Matt will bluff at magic.
8. Mayank will solve a complicated math problem for you on a chalk board.
9. Alex will be there (kidnapped in pajamas if necessary).
10. Martin will set the neighbors house on fire in a tragic juggling accident on the roof of our house.
11. Joey and Chris will finally have a nut boxing rematch. It will be televised on Nick Jr.
12. Everyone will puke on the floor at our house, so that Justin doesn't feel bad.
13. Tommy will show a slide show of his time studying abroad in Canada while we shoot spitballs at each other.
14. All of my relatives will be there with the expectation that Justin will once and for all have a verdict about the existence of God. Brewster, however, will not stop dancing like a fag.
15. Two words: Monkey Strippers!


  1. This sounds like some crazy party! I'm looking forward to riding a unicorn (you might not believe this, but I've never even seen one before), seeing the rematch of the century between Joey and Chris (my money's on Joey), and monkey strippers (don't tell Veronica). It sounds like a combination between an 80s movie and Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. Thank god I wore my safety goggles!

  2. When the monkey stripper show up don't be alarmed if they're dressed like police. Also the unicorn may just be a horse with a horn glued to it's head. We're still having trouble finding a unicorn but if we can't find one there will probably be a griffin. And yes, the griffins have large talons. As for the nutboxing rematch, it will happen under 2 conditions: BIRTHDAY CAKE and SIPPIE CUP.

  3. I heard a rumor that Ed Yeh will break his 6 year long meditation session come down from his mountain-top isolation to attend this event. I also heard that Flickerstick will come out of retirement to play at the party and to get absolutely wasted. One more dirty rumor, I heard Asian baby Jesus has given his disapproval to the event, meaning that we should probably avoid having a circle jerk and we're going to hell where we will be damned to work in a shitty Chinese restaurant for all eternity.