Monday, August 30, 2010

My Training for the Next Three Weeks

What's cooler than an indie text-based rpg about composing haikus with voice acting by Christopher Walken?

 That's right: I'm getting a second chance to take my rightful place in Washington so I can play checkers and discuss fatties all day with Mark Rosewater and stare longingly at Randy Buehler's desk, wishing he still worked at Wizards so I could cuddle with him.

Anyway, if I am going to be able to beat the throngs of magic dorks who have backpacks full of cards that they bring with them everywhere they go, I'm thinking I need to do some serious training. How serious? I'm talking Martin beating the Chinese kid at Smash Brothers serious. That's why I need your help to come up with a list a 50 challenges I have to complete in the next three weeks before the contest actually begins. These challenges need to be increasing in difficulty, doable in the 3 week time frame, and difficult enough to prepare me to slay the dragon that is the inevitable magic design test that weeds out most of the people from the start.

I'll start you off with challenge #1: Design a card that is better than anything Matt Bell could design

And here is my answer:

My Donkey Friend - 1W
Creature - Beast Comrade - Common
When Donkey Friend enters the battlefield, you may search your library for an enchant creature card, reveal it, and put it into your hand.


  1. 1. Shotgun 4 Red Bulls and see how many cards you can come up with before having to pee neon green.

    2. Design a card while in 0 Gravity. The Vomit Comet will work but you'll get extra points for actually sneaking onto the space shuttle before it launches.

    3. Have a monkey, cat, or elephant paint you a picture and design your card around it.

    4. Write down a card design while driving a car. (No cruise control)

    5. Come up with a card design immediately after waking up.

  2. 1)Go Super Sayian and fight and beat Freiza thus saving the planet Namek from imminent destruction. Then design a card.

    2)Design a card that encapsulates the feel of a nuclear apocalypse (ya know the one Barrack Obama is planning).

    3)Do my laundry, for good luck.

    4)Design a drawback mechanic based off of the idea of addiction or drunkenness. The card's abilities don't necessarily have to worsen as the creature get more wasted.

    5)Design some sort fixed card from the power nine (or anything broken from the early days of magic, I'm thinking type 1 shit).

    6)Design a set that combine homelands and fallen empires, tweaking cards only slightly (reducing manna costs increasing power/toughness etc.) to attempt to make a usable and well balanced modern set.

    7)If you get the job you need to plead with Mark Rosewater to un-retire Randy. Sing him the moo moo Randy Buehler song if necessary.

  3. 1. Come up with a new way to prevent card disadvantage inherent in creature enchantments.

    2. Create five cards inspired by Donkey Lips.

    3. Eat 6 burritos before bed. Wake up and design a Spanish flavored set.

    4. Design the next blue planeswalker so that it is not overshadowed by Jace the Mindsculpter AND not completely broken.

    5. Get Joey drunk with Rum and sit him in front of MS Paint for 3 hours. Design cards based on artwork from this session.

    6. Stand on your head and come up with a way to make banding actually good.

    7. Create a new "Solemn Simulacrum" based on Randy Buehler's sexy attributes.