On this, the last day of August, I give to you some away messages I have compiled from my esteemed colleague who will remain nameless in the off chance that he may read this. The punctuation has remained the same as it was when I first recorded these wisdom nuggets. If you don't know who these nuggets (turds) belong to, then I will give you a clue: At parties, he likes to eat mashed potatoes. Alone. In a darkened room.
I was squeezed my anus gland!
Mmm, but it seems to be hard. And, your big head protrudes.
Your buttocks are denfenseless.
I bet you didn't know potatoes were so juicy"