Monday, November 1, 2010

PokeGrammar: Sandslash

I've decided to start a new series based around my time in the Japanese jungle. I live amongst the Pokemon as a weedle for several months. They accepted me as one of their own. I believe I have decoded some of the basics of Pokemon language. Enjoy the fruits of my labor:

SANDSLASH: why hello there kind sir/madaam. Fine morrow we are having.

Slash Sandslash: typically signifies the subjunctive or jussive use in a sentence of clause

SAAAAAAND Slash: A past participle, usually only used in vulgar modicums

slash slash: I fucked your mom

Slaaaaash sandslash slash slash slash slash slash: Sandslash has gone berserk and is slaughtering you or one of your loved ones, or he is asking the time. It depends on the context.

Slash slash slash slash slash sandslash sandslash: Sandslash is relying a diatribe on the struggle of modern man amidst a world decked in magpie friendly culture. He is contemplating the assertions set forth by modern philosophers and religions and begging the question as to whether society has culturally really made any progress in terms of human rights and the natural laws inherent to humanity. Or Sandslash is taking a massive shit.

Slash: Sandslash is doing a slash attack.


  1. Dear Professor Sandslash,

    I have recently acquired two pidgeys from a local turnip farmer with a large pidgey fighting debt. I am want them to mate so that I can genetically engineer a master race of pidgeys to help me take over Verillian City, but no matter what I do they just won't screw. I have tried forcing them to watch snorlax porn, reading them the poetry of William Blake, pumping techno music and mixed drinks into their cages on Friday nights, reading them creation myths from various holy books, and, based on my grandmother, recommendation, feeding them honey-roasted metapods as an aphrodisiac. The problem has started overtaking my life. All I dream about every night is my two pidgeys in different sexual positions. I'm all out of ideas. Please help!

    Hopeless in Hoboken

  2. Don't forget the Meowth that followed Team Rocket around. He spoke English but everything he said was stupid because Team Rocket is stupid and were always fucking up Ass Ketchup's shit.