I just got an email today that my '96 Hot pink Honda Civic has a parking ticket that hasn't been paid and is overdue roughly 13 years. There are multiple problems with this:
1) The police officer I'm just going to assume wasn't Christian and therefore has no morals. If he has no morals how am I supposed to respect him as an officer of the law? No morals means no Jesus, and Jesus is the only true law. Fuck this pagan speed limit nonsense.
2) I am famous in some circles and therefore should not be receiving parking tickets. Since I am the shit and am popular in various circles and demographic charts (no seriously one of my best friends is a demographic pie chart.) I should be above any sort of commoner law since I am essentially closer to God and work in ways that the average person cannot fathom.
3) I was attempting to something moral while I broke said laws. I can't remember, but I know for sure involved kittens. You don't want the kittens going without my aid do you? That's going to happen if I lose my license.
4) That was back during the glory years of SPD, so I was on all kinds hallucinogenics and industrial products. I can recall something about running down this parking gnome then stopping the car in the middle of highway 70, but I always chalked that time up to the acid since I woke up the next day with a raging headache in the heart of Texas.
So instead of these immoral judicial government types I want the people to decide my fate since America is a democracy, and some aloof judge fails to do his job by ignoring my pristine logic and threatening the swat team on my ass. I'm sure justice will done when placed in the hands of the people.