I've hacked into Mark Rosewater's computer and found the script for the lost super-robo shark episode of Rosanie. But more importantly, I've found what's perhaps the most broken magic card ever to the see the day of light:
Meow Mixer - RRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Affinity for everything
Cannot be countered.
Target player must lock their deck, battlefield, and hand in a 4' by 4' by 4' cubic box with 5 live cats and at least 1 pound of pure Columbian cat nip for a duration of 10 minutes. Any cards scratched by the cats are removed from the game and replaced with Mountain Goats. If any cards named mountain goat are scratched the owner must be forced to listen to a Creed cover band or watch Glen Beck for an amount of time equal to 3 minutes per Mountain Goat defaced.
All Creatures gain bands with walls and are undead wombats in addition to their normal creature types.
Kicker-G: target creature lose banding, rampage, or cycling until end of turn.
Elder EnderHaagen cycling (2)
Whenever you cycle Meow Mixer, target President named Barrack Obama makes abortions legal and mandatory. Then, he eats some arugula and makes snarky comments about the lower classes.