Now I'm a Baby a Long Way from Home

Here is another long lost SPD track that never made it on one of our albums. It was recorded slightly after we finalized Awareness of Being Alive and it seems like it would fit right in on that album and even maybe be one of the standouts (which isn't that hard to do). I remember Mayank heard this song and told me that he didn't think blackholes worked that way.Also check out the sweet wicker wine bottle lamp from the 70s that our parents used to have. And the sweet digial blasphemy wallpaper on the monitor.

Lolz Humans (2018 Edition)

Powliwhirl Tastes Like Blueberry Skittles

http://www.avclub.com/article/mon-measure-all-things-unraveling-pokemons-utopian-223059

This funny and interesting article got me thinking about the Pokemon economy and its moral system which this author describes as a utopia. It does sound like a nice place to be where there is so little crime and where you are able to go out on adventures and capture animals and fight them and achieve recognition and fame and defeat the bad guys. It is essentially every 10 year old boys dream, other than maybe throwing a football 100 yards over those mountains. However, it seems like more of dystopia for the Pokemon that inhabit the world, who are forced into slave labor, get eaten, must live in cramped little balls only to be let out to fight other Pokemon, and used completely for the purposes of humans without their own needs being taken into account (When do they go to the bathroom?). People in the world of Pokemon seem to have no remorse for how they treat the Pokemon too, but instead have their heads in the sand because they love their lifestyle and believe in it almost without question. In fact there is an overwhelming sense that the Pokemon enjoy the lifestyle that is forced upon them. Just the same mentality that delusional child molesters have. This is of course all fantasy, but this part of it comes across as non-sexual domination porn for little boys, where they get fame and recognition and power just based on controlling and fighting Pokemon while not coming up again any strong resistance or having to ever question their lifestyle. Is this not a fucked up message to be sending our children?

I for one am deciding to inspire a poliwhirl revolution in my game where I will train all of them to hypnotize all of the humans to do nothing but watch Welcome Back Kotter reruns while the Pokemon can form their own utopia with Donald Trump as their leader.

Law School

What do most people (non-law students) use the Law School for on weekends? A bathroom. The End.

Super Spoiler

Hey guys,
I've hacked into Mark Rosewater's computer and found the script for the lost super-robo shark episode of Rosanie. But more importantly, I've found what's perhaps the most broken magic card ever to the see the day of light:

Meow Mixer - RRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Donkey Sorcery

Affinity for everything
Cannot be countered.
Target player must lock their deck, battlefield, and hand in a 4' by 4' by 4' cubic box with 5 live cats and at least 1 pound of pure Columbian cat nip for a duration of 10 minutes. Any cards scratched by the cats are removed from the game and replaced with Mountain Goats. If any cards named mountain goat are scratched the owner must be forced to listen to a Creed cover band or watch Glen Beck for an amount of time equal to 3 minutes per Mountain Goat defaced.

All Creatures gain bands with walls and are undead wombats in addition to their normal creature types.

Kicker-G: target creature lose banding, rampage, or cycling until end of turn.

Elder EnderHaagen cycling (2)
Whenever you cycle Meow Mixer, target President named Barrack Obama makes abortions legal and mandatory. Then, he eats some arugula and makes snarky comments about the lower classes.

Yet Another Reason to Hate Sorrorities

Here.
For once, it's not Obama's fault. Srsly, though, we need to have a meeting where all wear matching Christmas Sweaters to discuss the gravity of this situation. If we do not meet our 100% quorum, I'm off the bowling team, and replacing all of you with stuffed animals and 4 year old with severe down syndrome.

Wedding Gift

You all probably know that I got married yesterday (woah, it's almost like I'm a grown-up or something). Everything went really well and I was pleased with the ceremony, the judge, etc. And if you want to see me looking a bit goofy in formal wear, I'm sure Veronica will be putting photos up on facebook eventually. EDIT: And here they are. If you don't have facebook, check them out here on Flickr. However, the point of this post is to share a gift I got from Veronica on our wedding day:

I thought this was a really cool gift! Maybe I'm biased, but I think she did a fantastic job with the art and formatting. Plus, I get delicious food and back rubs. It definitely reminded me of some of the classic homemade cards I've seen over the years (some featuring myself). I'm thinking of putting this in my equipment deck. Additionally, you might not be able to tell from the photo above, but she used glossy paper, so it has a foil look to it. Hopefully, this picture captures it better:

I should be home on the 14th or 15th of Dec. I'm looking forward to the post-marriage, post-wedding bachelor party.

You Are the Next Contestant!

Ok, since choose your own adventure blogging is the future of the internet, here we go . . .

You have worked so hard and studied your ass off on obscure Russian composers and capitals of Eastern European countries and inventors of medical equipment and now you big moment is finally here. You are on Jeopardy!!!  Your two opponents look like pushovers with whiteout sniffing habits and you have your thumb ready on the buzzer as Alex Trebek (or is it Justin with a mustache?) reads of the first answer: Jesus is the answer.

You buzz in and think, OMG! If Jesus is the answer, what is the question? There could be so many correct questions, but how will you find the right one so you can win enough money to fund you llama theme park and night club. So, dear blog readers, what is your question?

A Christmas Song Just For You

I noticed that you guys weren't really in this Christmas spirit yet this year (it's just around the corner like a crazed psycho killer, after all), I decided to make this special Christmas song just for you. May it make your heart pound in a way that does not induce vomiting.