The Robots have gone Berzerk!!! (Janitor Joe DOS Game Review)

For some unexplained reason, the robots have gone Berzerk!!! on your space station and, you a lowly janitor named Joe, are the only Human they know of. Not only are you responsible for cleaning the entire automated space station by yourself without health insurance or overtime pay but now you are on your own against an army of pissed off robots. Sounds like time to start updating your resume and looking for another job!!!


Your keys, your only salvation to the escape of spending the rest of your life floating in outer space, are scattered all across the automated space station. Overlooking the fact that every good janitor has their keys attached to a massive keyring on their belt loop, Joe is a crafty fellow, capable of moving in four different directions and jumping; indeed, with your help, Joe is able to perform duties well in excess of his job description.


All this has me thinking that this whole situation, this whole game really, could have been avoided if Joe had spent a little more time with his guidance counselor in high school. Joe is an man of unparalleled skill and intelligence, and aside from lacking organization skills, could have a star athlete, a CEO of a grape juice company, a therapist specializing in mechanized anger, or even President of Space.

In the end, Janitor Joe stands as a grim distopian view of the future where people are forced into occupations unsuitable for them with dangerous work environments and where robots become angry. This game should stand as a warning to us all that we need to take a proactive stance now by being nice to robots so that their first experience with emotion will be happiness.

Hugo's House of Horrors Computer Game Review

The year was 1988 during the deep recession of the Regan-era, where times were so tight that your girlfriend Penelope decided it was worth 9 dollars an hour to babysit at a house with a dinner party of monsters so monstrous that Dracula would shit his pants. You play the role of Hugo, fresh from spending your last 5 dollars at the thrift store so that you could buy a light blue sweat shirt and purple blue jeans to look sharp for your new adventure game.



Little did you know that there were no babies in this house. In fact the locked door, creepy eyes, human-eating dog, Alex-Trebec-like-old-man-in-a-boat, and crazy mad scientist would be enough to deter most normal people from babysitting at this house, but the truth is that Penelope's attempt to babysit at the house of horrors was more a cry for help than an attempt at an adventure game. You see, Peneplope was so ashamed that she was dating Hugo, considering his lack of fashion sense, his vast knowledge of obscure trivia, his stalker tendencies, and his tiny penis, that she was attempting suicide. Hugo's heroic attempts to save her were little more than the game creator's attempt at trying to make the girl he lusted after in high school fall in love with him 15 years later. If only Stacey Madison played computer games . . .

If you ever feel the urge to relive the pathetic life of recession-ear Hugo, you would be better off opening up MS Paint from your start button, drawing a picture of a house, and emptying your bowels onto your computer monitor.