The Utter End Conundrum

Although I love being able to play wraths and get much more card advantage, spot removal is important in commander. It is more often instant speed and allows you to deal with threats once they are attacking you or right before they gain hexproof or indestructible. It lets the treats stay on the board and attack other people until just the right moment (usually after Ruhan has attacked Justin 4 times in a row). My go to spot removal spells are typically STP, Pongify, and Go For The Throat, since I really value making maximum use of my mana and I hate keeping a bunch of mana open and then not using it. However, I am wondering now if it is better to play more flexible answers that allow you to remove many kinds of permanents at one time. Sometimes the most critical permanent you need to remove is not a creature and you might be better off with an utter end, mortify or puetrify instead of the creature only removal, even if they cost a little more. What do you guys think? Is it better to have lower costs or more flexibility? Is this meta-game dependent? How many fireballs do you think I can fit into my mouth at one time?

Revenge of the Losers EDH Deck

Inspired by Justin's recent foray into shitty Legends commanders, I have decide to build a Torsten Von Ursus EDH Deck.

So, since this guy is probably one of the worst commanders of all time in terms of power level, I was at first not sure what to do. Then I started thinking about what I love about this art. This guy is carrying a comedically large shield, wearing a checkerboard-kilt, has crazy giant wings on his helmet, gardening knee pads, and a child molester mustache. What the hell is going on with this guy? He looks like a toddler that dressed himself for the first time. How does he not get laughed off the battlefield by all the angry, mean goblins? Well, all of brought me to the simple fact that I should build a loser-themed EDH deck. So the context of this deck is that it should feature only art that has people or creatures that were made fun of when they went to (Tolarian) High School. They might be awkwardly dressed, creepy, nonathletic, nerdy, way too obsessed with one hobby, off their meds, mocked for being gay, way too much of a spaz to have any friends, or so in to playing their musical instrument that they practice on Friday nights, whatever, as long as they have reason that the preps and the jocks would mock them.

One of the beautiful things about making this deck so far is that I am coming up with an elaborate and often humorous backstory for many of the people/creatures in the art about what their time in high school was like. For example Vigilant Sentry took his job as hall monitor way too seriously and always sucked up to the assistant principal. Lord Magnus spent way too much time walking alone in the woods and smoking pot until one day he got lost and never returned home. Thelonite Druid took his senior pictures in full medieval gear while pretending he could talk to trees.

I have started looking for a number of good cards for this deck and it seems like older sets are a gold mine, since a lot of the art was goofier or worse back then and way fewer of the creatures just look like badasses. The cards I have so far are below, but I need your help. I am having trouble finding a lot more to fill out the rest of the deck and could use any ideas or suggestions you guys have. All the cards don't necessarily have to be creatures, but they should feature some kind of loser character in the art somehow (like Archery Training where the guy clearly took archery as his elective so he could avoid all the jocks pulling down his shorts in weight training). Hit me up with any suggestions you have. Also, I am considering making a jocks deck next, but I'm not sure what commander that deck should have, so let me know if you have any suggestions for that.

Here is a deckbox link to see the pictures (although some would be from an older set than what is pictured):
https://deckbox.org/sets/1218223?v=v

Here is the decklist so far:
Torsten Von Ursus
Beloved Chaplain
Archery Training
Martyr's Cause
Ardent Militia
Squire
Pyknite
Juniper Order Druid
Thelonite Druid
Titania's Chosen
Volunteer Reserves
Deranged Outcast
Shieldmage Advocate
Border Patrol
Revered Elder
Tonic Peddler
Devoted Hero
Deepwood Drummer
Nightshade Peddler
Vigilant Sentry
Charm Peddler
Crossbow Infantry
Devout Harpist
Tragic Poet
Cartographer
Abbey Matron
Daughter of Autumn
Samnite Alchemist
Serra Inquisitors
Lord Magnus
Ivory Guardians
Scavenger Folk

Top 10 Dragon's Maze Cards for Commander, Part 2

5. Sire of Insanity

Sire of Insanity will steal your lunch money and then use it to buy pornography and sneak the pornography in your locker and tip off the principal so you will get suspended and your mom will take away your Playstation. He is a jerk with the Midas touch and he does not fuck around. There is not waiting until he dies or until your next upkeep. No, he makes everyone lose their hand immediately while leaving his beefy body around to bully all the utility creatures on the board. Sire really punishes slower decks and if you are able to accelerate him out early could be quite devastation at bringing the game to a standstill while everyone is in top deck mode. Granted if people are playing graveyard recursion you might end up helping them more than hurting them, but you can always play graveyard recursion yourself or be packing a fair amount of graveyard hate. He is powerful and in the right situation can net you a huge amount of card advantage, but expect for your opponents to be unhappy if you play with him.

4. Master of Cruelties

If Sire of Insanity is the school's worst bully, then Master of Cruelties is the kid that he is afraid of. Master of Cruelities is that kid that is lighting matches in the hallway and always talking about how he loves the smell of fire. He has never shared in his life, not even in Kindergarten, he has no concern for the well-being or feelings of others and his sole motivation in life is causing destruction. You have no doubts in your mind that he will end up in prison before the age of 18. Voracious Cobra is already quite a potent card in EDH at scaring away opposing attackers or getting in for damage  and this is a powerful upgrade for only one mana more. Except for a small subset of creatures like other first strikers or indestructible creatures, Master of Cruelties will be able to kill anything in combat and survive, yet it is essential for your opponents to throw their creatures away and block because they will often be taking 20+ damage from one hit from this guy. Being at 1 in a multiplayer game is one of the worst strategic positions you can be in since it makes you so vulnerable and forces you to play defensively to keep yourself alive. And lord have mercy if you equip a whispersilk cloak to him. Despite being a jerk of the highest magnitude and putting a huge target on your head, Master of Cruelties is insanely powerful and probably worth the risk.

3. Teysa, Envoy of Ghosts

Full disclosure: I have built a Teysa deck that was inspired by my Zuberica deck and although it a bit of a good stuff deck and still needs some work, I'm already quite happy with its power level and fun factor. Although since seven mana is a steep price to pay for a general, Teysa might be better as an inclusion in your 99 cards than as your commander, but I think she still has a lot of potential as a general. Also, despite having the built in protection from creatures which is an awesome ability to have on a commander, it is unfortunate to have Teysa killed by a wrath or spot removal right after you play her and then have to get up to 9 mana to recast her in colors that don't have much ramp. However, if Teysa does stick around she is amazing at stabilizing your board and discouraging people from attacking you. She can already block about any ground creature and live but also kills any creatures that do get through to you. Who will want to attack into Teysa and lose all their creatures unless they can kill you that turn? Meanwhile since your defenses are built up you can still be attacking with unblocked Teysa each turn and she wears equipment quite well. It is a rare card that can play defense so well, while also being a solid contributor on offense.

2. Pontiff of Blight

Extort is quite powerful in multiplayer and this is most powerful extort card from multiplayer that Wizards printed. Given a decent number of creatures on the board, this makes every spell you play have an exsanguinate kicker. All this damage and lifegain will add up quickly and allow you to play defense with all of your creatures while draining everyone out turn after turn. This guy might seem unassuming, but, in most cases, is one of those creatures you have to kill right after it hits the board if you don't want that player to run away with the game.

1. Debt to the Deathless

Exsanuinate 2.0. Yes, please. Sure it is much slower and more mana intensive, but once you hit seven mana this is simply better for the price than exsanuinate and the upside just gets better and better from there. From the fact that it plays so well with extort and that it simultaneously helps you kill your opponents while gaining you so much life, I expect this card to see a lot of play as a finisher in grindy, long-game decks.

Honorable Mentions: 
Trostani's Summoner
Savageborn Hydra
Obzedat's Aid
Ready/Willing
Wear/Tear

Top 10 Dragon's Maze Cards for Commander

Now new and improved with (hopefully) 100% fewer silly mistakes, my top ten commander list is back with Dragon's Maze to make your day 110% more exciting.

10. Zhur-Taa Ancient

While he does come with his risks, Zhur-Taa Ancient is a sizeable body for only 5 mana. Seven power is nothing to sneeze at, allowing him to command some decent board presence. However, the real reason this old guy with the huge neck makes it on the list is his mana doubling ability. At first glance, doubling everyone's mana at the table might seem like it is putting you at a massive disadvantage since all of your opponents get access to double the mana before you do. Yet, they will not necessarily be using all of that mana to go after you, especially if there is someone more powerful at the table and in the right position it can be an excellent way to boost certain players at the table to accelerate their board presence or pull off a massive fireball to catch up with a player who is running away with the game. Also, since he is only 5 mana, later in the game, you could easily be able to play him and some other meaningful spells within the same turn. In fact, if you build your deck correctly, you should be able to take advantage of his effect better than anyone else at the table because you are playing mana ramp and/or awesome X spells like genesis wave. His biggest downside that stops him from being higher on the list is the Hunted Wumpus effect (where someone just drops a nekrataal to kill it when his enter the battlefield ability triggers) since one of your opponents could  play some huge creature and then have mana left over to throw a STP at the ancient.

9. Ruric Thar, the Unbowed

At number 9, Gruul slams in there with another explosively game-changing, if awkward beater in Ruric Thar. Ruric has a potent combination of abilities with vigilance, reach and most importantly dealing 6 damage to a player whenever they cast a noncreature spell. The last ability will vary greatly in power; it will completely hose some decks and do almost nothing against creature heavy decks. It's hard to believe that any player who will be messed up by this card will not want to kill it as soon as possible taking six damage in the process to avoid much more later. However, it is a great way to give an aggressive deck more reach, since it punishes your enemies for clearing the board or countering your kill spells to stay alive and they are in real trouble if they are at 6 or less life. Yet, despite its aggressive pedigree, it still serves as an excellent blocker, killing or trading with all but the most massive fliers in commander. His biggest downside is the fact that he has to attack every turn. Sure, the vigilance helps mitigate some of this downside, but the truth is that sometimes the board will be so clogged where anyone he attacks will kill him and that is just terrible to lose an impressive creature for no reason. I guess Wizards wanted to emphasize the recklessness of Gruul this time around with these two.

8. Progenitor Mimic

Like all clone effects, Progenitor Mimic takes a big hit in commander from the new legendary rules changes. Not being able to take out any commander despite hexproof or other shenanigans, makes clones much less flexible. However, repeatedly copying the best nonlegendary creature (even if it has hexproof on the board is an ability that can carry the game away post haste. Imagine the mimic copying Terrastodon or Simic Sky Swallower every turn. The mimics biggest downside is it needs time to start working. If somebody wraths or if you are under a lot of pressure, it is not the best creature to be playing, but in games where you can get him to stick around for multiple turns in a row gaining you massive board presence or card advantage in the process, there are few better creatures.

7. Melek, Izzet Paragon

Melek is a fun, build-around general unlike any of the other Izzet generals in that he isn't overpowered and annoying like Jhoira of the Ghitu, screaming for infinite combos like Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind or absurdly underpowered like Tibor and Lumia. Playing with all the most powerful instants and sorceries and finally having a general that supports those cool instant/sorcery cards like Sphinx-Bone Wand seems like a blast and a deck that would play differently that your average commander deck. Melek is one of those rare cards that feels like he hits a home run for both Timmy and Johnny and I'd expect to see a lot of him at kitchen tables for years to come.

6. Tajic, Blade of the Legion

From the piddliest of 0/1 to overcosted 3/3s, any creature that has indestructability has to be on your radar for commander playability. Darksteel Gargoyle is a French vanilla creature that costs 3 more mana than he would without indestructability but he is still a servicable addition to commander decks. So when I saw a legendary indestructable rare with an explosive ability in the same vein as Konda but much cheaper, I wet pants a little bit. Sure if you are unable to get batallion to trigger he is little better than the likes of Darksteel Gargoyle (although any general that is hard to kill deserves consideration in voltron strategies), but unblocked his batallion ability makes him a three turn clock. Cramming your deck full of the best voltron equipment, holy mantle effects and evasive utility creatures and beaters to trigger batallion (hello Soltari Guerillas) will make a fun aggressive deck. Sure, you have to jump through a few hoops to make him as effective as possible, but having built in protection makes your strategy much more resilient to much of the removal played in commander.

Check back soon for the top 5.

The Top 10 Gatecrash Cards for Commander - Part 2

 5. Gruul Ragebeast

While this card might not be quite as powerful as Warstorm Surge since it can’t deal damage to players and is more vulnerable to destruction, it should be an all-star at picking off all those annoying creatures your opponents have one by one. It starts killing creatures right away when it comes into play and only gets better from there, like an Aura Shards for your creatures. It seems that if this guy remains unanswered for long enough, you should be able to maintain a strong board advantage.

4. Sepulchral Primordial

Want an instant army and Grave titan simply doesn’t give you big enough creatures? Sepulchral Primordial is your man/woman/mossy robot thing. Early game this card is a little weak in that you want to make sure there are some solid threats in the graveyard before casting it, so this card will probably be best with grindy generals that use lots of graveyard recursion like Karador. However, in almost any game that goes on long enough without a ton of repeated graveyard disruption, you’ll be happy to cast this guy. Even getting a few value creatures like Solemn Simulacrum or Trinket Mage from each person graveyard will be more than worth it and it only gets more insane from there.

3. Prime Speaker Zegana

Another home run general that rewards you with massive card advantage for playing a bunch of creatures and specifically big ones. With the right deck, she is capable of being both huge card advantage and a legitimate voltron threat. She is a game-ender in her own right, but unlike many generals, if they kill her it really isn’t that bad because you have just reloaded by drawing a bunch of cards. She works best with a creature with 4+ power and gets really crazy with something as big as Terrastodon on the board. Often holding her back to play her later in the game could be an asset since you will avoid the first round of wrath effects that typically take out people’s first time playing their generals. With the huge amount of card advantage she can provide, many decks in these colors trying to win with creatures will be playing Zegana. 

2. Sylvan Primordial

So let me get this straight: Whereas Terastodon destroys 3 noncreature permanents and gives my opponents 3 elephants, Sylvan Primordial destroys multiple noncreature permanents and lets me search up forests?!? Granted it is a smaller body and 6 power for 7 mana is pretty underwhelming, but the reach is not something to be overlooked, since many generals and many of the best creatures in the format have flying. Green just lost some power with the banning of Primeval Titan, and while this is no Prime Time, it is close. Expect to be seeing this card a lot.

1. Aurelia, the Warleader

Aurelia is a tremendous commander that pushes aggro in commander in all the right ways, encouraging you to play tons of creatures and equipment and attack for tons of damage every turn. Combining her with double strike creatures, creatures with triggers when the attack or deal damage to an opponent, lifelink creatures, or even just big creatures should win you the game quickly. The fact that she has haste and a fairly low mana cost really makes her shine as a general by continually staying aggressive. Outside of that, she fits right in with any aggressive creature strategy and it is great to see red/white, what has often been considered to be the worst color combination in commander, getting some love.

The Top 10 Gatecrash Cards for Commander - Part 1

10. Illusionist’s Bracers

So many commanders will love this card (hello Kiki-Jiki!). While this is less global, this card will often be better than the widely played Ring of Brightheart, since you mostly want to reuse an ability on your general and this doesn’t require the continuous mana investment. Outside of these more spikey applications, I’m sure there are all sorts of interesting Johnny interactions that can be done with this card as well.

9. Luminate Primordial

Luminate Primordial is not the biggest or splashiest of the primordial cycle (and vigilance on this kind of body is pretty lame compared to the others), but she/he/it is a workhorse that will help you maintain control of the board without ever complaining about having to work late without overtime. Like Swords to Plowshares, the life gain is pretty inconsequential as a trade off for being able to exile each of your opponents’ best creatures. Hexproof might often make life a little harder on this guy, but Luminate is in one of the best colors for blink effects and graveyard reanimation and using it multiple times could get out of hand quickly.

8. Giant Adephage

I always thought Spawnwrithe was a ton of fun, but hard to get to work with its measly power and toughness. Giant Adephage fixes that problem while still keeping the trample. The great thing about this kind of creature in commander is that all it has to do is get through to one player and it will grow exponentially. Rarely is there a time when each of your opponents can completely block a 7/7 trampler and, given a few attack phases, which sometimes can be a lot to ask, he will overwhelm your opponents. For a good time pair him with Aurelia in a white wine sauce!

7. Crypt Ghast

I’m not sure how powerful extort will be in commander especially on a creature that attracts as much attention as this guy, but over time it could be great in multiples and benefits from the extra mana Crypt Ghast gives you. However, the real reason anyone would play this card is its ability to double your mana in a mono-black deck. There are certainly other effects like this for artifacts (caged sun) and black (cabal coffers), but, while it might not be the most novel card on the list, another one is certainly welcome when it can help you get to a game winning exsanguinate.

6. Hellkite Tyrant

I’m not so sure the alternate win condition on this card is feasible, but it would be fun to try and possibly in the right kind of quirky deck it could work with some consistency. However, if you just ignore that part of the card, this card can provide you an insane amount of extra mana and value. Imagine how many signets, darksteel ingots and sol rings you could confiscate with this guy, not even mentioning equipment, artifact creatures or other random artifacts. His biggest downsides are that he does provide your opponents a full turn to react to him and 5 toughness is hardly that impressive, but if you can get even one hit in with this guy you get to keep all those artifacts for the rest of the game. Against many decks, his first few attacks this will ramp you as much as primeval titan would. And who wouldn’t love to rip that lightning greaves or darksteel plate right off that annoying general?

Tune in for the top 5 soon . . .