Back by Popular Demand

The bots who sometimes post comments on our blog and are trying to become self aware have demanded another Alex Jones video so they can better understand what it means to be human. Maybe they will have mercy on me during the robot apocalypse now that I have posted this . . .

5 Things that Shouldn't Exist Anymore

Please indulge my inner Andy Rooney for a minute here. Or don't. I don't give a shit.

1. Fax Machines

Why would you ever send a fax as a respectable upright citizen in 2016? Are you afraid of pdfs? Do you not understand global warming? Think of the Pandas, assholes!

2. Cable TV

Suck it, Judge Judy! No seriously, I just mailed Judge Judy a blow pop.

3. Alex Trebeck

How has he done the exact same boring hosting job the exact same way every day since 1982? How does he not hate himself?

4. Dinosaurs

I am so tired of those fucking flying lizards crapping on my car and eating my goats. Serious how are they able to eat at Arby's without opposable thumbs? I see the remnants in their poop. Vote no on amendment 18 this July!

5. The Bible

Guys, Jesus has been dead for like 2000 years. Get over it. And maybe we should be a little more skeptical of a book that is telling us to do so many things like a common street hypnotist.

Home Days for all the Male Elephants

So, in my usual browsing of kickstarter for innovative tabletop tiddlywinks games and celebrity gardening roguelike simulators for Sega Saturn, I came across Mr. Elephant: Home Days. You have all probably wanted to pretend to be an elephant living in a house with little purpose or furniture in your life and soon enough you might be able to do just that. While the graphics look like they were done in MS Paint and there is no real discernible purpose to the game (although the author does mention something about getting points and breaking furniture), it is supposed to be a sandbox game where you get to explore. The inside. Of one house. With an elephant. Yay! Or you could recreate this entire enterprise by just noting leaving your house for a few hours and just wandering around aimlessly.

Now I don't want to be to hard on this poor author as he does point out numerous times on his page that this is supposed to be humorous, but at the same time I am puzzled by what is funny about an elephant (and specifically Mr. Elephant) walking around a house. Was this just some final project that he turned in for a game design class? Did he not have any time to put more effort into fleshing out his game idea (or scrapping it) because he is actually a top secret pirate? Will we ever know Batman's true identity?

It's got just a few hours left at the time of posting and needs nearly $2000 to meet its goal (with only $56 raised so far). Tommy I know that you have a fancy job now and probably have $2000 to throw at a product that can only be described as elephant-related. Alternatively, you could just steal this idea, but make the game with a duck instead. Now, that would have endless replayability as opposed to getting tired of the elephant after 5 minutes.

My Top 100 Favorite Songs

So in no particular order, here they are. I've thought about doing some separate posts about some of these songs individually and why I like them and the memories associated with them and maybe I will at some point. I'm not sure this list is set in stone and I think it will change over time, but overall I feel pretty happy with this and I love all of these songs.

The Barbarians - Moulty
The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet
Army Navy - Saints
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Amublance
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Meet Me By the Water
Saturday Looks Good to Me - Alcohol
The Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations
The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!
Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
Camper Van Beethoven - All Her Favorite Fruit
The Magnetic Fields - The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side
The Magnetic Fields - I Think I Need A New Heart
The Magnetic Fields - Strange Powers
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Me & Mia
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Timorous Me
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Biomusicology
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Bottle of Buckie
The New Pornographers - Ballad of a Comeback Kid
The New Pornographers - Letter from an Occupant
The New Pornographers - The Bleeding Heart Show
The Cars - Just What I Needed
Sleater-Kinney - I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone
The Get Up Kids - Mass Pike
Tom Petty - American Girl
Sun Kil Moon - Carry Me Ohio
Sun Kil Moon - Glenn Tipton
Sun Kil Moon - Sunshine in Chicago
Appleseed Cast - Forever Longing The Golden Sunsets
Appleseed Cast - Steps and Numbers
Appleseed Cast - Santa Maria
Youth Group - Start Tomorrow Today
Sufjan Stevens - Chicago
Sufjan Stevens - The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts
We Were Promised Jetpacks - Quiet Little Voices
Band of Horses - The Funeral
The Goodnight Loving - Dead Fish on the Banks
Beat Happening - In Between
Beat Happening - Our Secret
Beachfield - Coles to Newcastle
The Helio Sequence - Can't Say No
Sebadoh - Ocean
Frightened Rabbit - Modern Leper
Outkast - Hey Ya
TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me
Peter Bjorn and John - Object of My Affection
Pure Prarie League - Amie
Pure Prarie League - Call Me, Tell Me
The Nashville Ramblers - Trains
The Replacements - Unsatisfied
The Wedding Present - I'm Further North from You
Old Canes - Little Bird Courage
Japandroids - Younger Us
Our Anatomy - Zombie Love Song
The National - Mr. November
The Dodos - Fools
The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robot
The Flaming Lips - Waiting for Superman
Tommy James - I Think We're Alone Now
Holy Fuck - Lovely Allen
The War on Drugs - Taking the Farm
The Mountain Goats - Next Year
Kittens Ablaze - Gloom Doom Buttercup
Great Lake Myth Society - Heydays
Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass
Mouth's Cradle - Summertime
Question Mark and the Mysterians - 96 Tears
The Apples in Stereo - Winter Must Be Cold
Beach Boys - Good Vibrations
Spoon - I Summon You
Blink-182 - Feeling This
Baby Dayliner - Hoodlums in the Hit Parade
Brandston - Summer in St. Claire
Alias - Well Water Black
The Kingsbury Manx - 10008
Cloud Nothings - I'm Not Part of Me
The Pixies - U-Mass
My Morning Jacket - One Big Holiday
The Octopus Project - Porno Diaster
Raymond & Maria - No One Notices Your Brand New T-Shirt
America - Sister Golden Hair
Rod Stewart - You Wear It Well
The Hoodoo Gurus - I Want You Back
Soul Asylum - Endless Farewell
Yo La Tengo - Autumn Sweater
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
Broken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl
Weezer - Only in Dreams
Titus Andronicus - A More Perfect Union
Throw Me The Statue - About To Walk
Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come on Eileen
The Shout Out Louds - Very Loud
The New Amsterdams - From California
Minus the Bear - Monkey!!!Knife!!!Fight!!!
Minus the Bear - Absinthe Party At The Fly Honey Warehouse
Modest Mouse - Third Planet
Pavement - Cut Your Hair
Chumbawamba - Tubthumping
The Weakerthans - Tournament of Hearts
The Len Price 3 - Keep Your Eyes On Me
The Most Serene Republic - (Oh) God

Making Magic Mayhaps?

So I just got kind of a cool idea. I think we should create a magic set together and run through most of the stages of development just for funsies. I think it would provide an interesting view into how magic works. I have a few ideas for what the setting and the mechanics would be, but, of course, I want to hear what's knocking around in your heads.
My favorite idea that I've had thus far is to do set based around a desert city. The desert city would be mana-rich thanks to a magical ever-flowing fountain of water. However, since that fountain would be the only large source of mana, all the factions in the city would be jostling for control of the fountain. Out in the desert you would get to meet all sorts of nomadic creatures that have to scavenge for even the smallest morsels of food, water, and mana. The nomads would have to contend with all sorts of tough and ferocious animals such as wurms, genies, and dragons. I suppose the set would have a lot of strong Arabic flavors, but I would want to make it unique enough that its not Arabian Nights II: The Enderhaagen Symposium.
But yeah let me know in comments what you guys think. Ignore the haters in the chat box.

You Are the Next Contestant!

Ok, since choose your own adventure blogging is the future of the internet, here we go . . .

You have worked so hard and studied your ass off on obscure Russian composers and capitals of Eastern European countries and inventors of medical equipment and now you big moment is finally here. You are on Jeopardy!!!  Your two opponents look like pushovers with whiteout sniffing habits and you have your thumb ready on the buzzer as Alex Trebek (or is it Justin with a mustache?) reads of the first answer: Jesus is the answer.

You buzz in and think, OMG! If Jesus is the answer, what is the question? There could be so many correct questions, but how will you find the right one so you can win enough money to fund you llama theme park and night club. So, dear blog readers, what is your question?