My Training for the Next Three Weeks

What's cooler than an indie text-based rpg about composing haikus with voice acting by Christopher Walken?

 That's right: I'm getting a second chance to take my rightful place in Washington so I can play checkers and discuss fatties all day with Mark Rosewater and stare longingly at Randy Buehler's desk, wishing he still worked at Wizards so I could cuddle with him.

Anyway, if I am going to be able to beat the throngs of magic dorks who have backpacks full of cards that they bring with them everywhere they go, I'm thinking I need to do some serious training. How serious? I'm talking Martin beating the Chinese kid at Smash Brothers serious. That's why I need your help to come up with a list a 50 challenges I have to complete in the next three weeks before the contest actually begins. These challenges need to be increasing in difficulty, doable in the 3 week time frame, and difficult enough to prepare me to slay the dragon that is the inevitable magic design test that weeds out most of the people from the start.

I'll start you off with challenge #1: Design a card that is better than anything Matt Bell could design

And here is my answer:

My Donkey Friend - 1W
Creature - Beast Comrade - Common
When Donkey Friend enters the battlefield, you may search your library for an enchant creature card, reveal it, and put it into your hand.
2/1

Shmistic Shnake + 1

I followed a tutorial for these 2.

Everyone Stop what you are doing and click this link!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3cbac7e38c/ted-leo-and-the-pharmacists-bottled-in-cork-official-video

You Are the Next Contestant!

Ok, since choose your own adventure blogging is the future of the internet, here we go . . .

You have worked so hard and studied your ass off on obscure Russian composers and capitals of Eastern European countries and inventors of medical equipment and now you big moment is finally here. You are on Jeopardy!!!  Your two opponents look like pushovers with whiteout sniffing habits and you have your thumb ready on the buzzer as Alex Trebek (or is it Justin with a mustache?) reads of the first answer: Jesus is the answer.

You buzz in and think, OMG! If Jesus is the answer, what is the question? There could be so many correct questions, but how will you find the right one so you can win enough money to fund you llama theme park and night club. So, dear blog readers, what is your question?

Memorable Magic Moment #2

Fogtastic: (Warning: some details had to be filled in and are probably not totally correct.)

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away known as the Raleigh Nebula, me Phil and Martin we're in the middle of an Epic Wrathless Big Nasty game. This must have been in the days when 4th was still legal either that or Martin was playing outdated cards. I believe Martin had at least 2 Shivan Dragons, a Serra Angel, and a lot of other random weinies, probably Mountain Goat knowing Martin. Anyway, Phil had a ton of big Baddies as well. We think it was his dragon deck. So lets say Dragon Tyrant and a few other huge baddies. I don't think I had anything of any consequence and I was not at all involved in the combat.

So Martin alpha strikes Phil. After much deliberation, as this was important combat, Phil assigns all his blockers. Lot's of math was involved because life totals were low. After Phil assigns blockers, Martin starts doing some more math, adding up firebreathing and trample damage. This all took about 5 minutes to figure out. And then just to be a funny asshole: Fog. I fogged the shit out of that shit. I was not a threat and I still remained to be not a threat since I was playing cards like fog. I'm pretty sure I didn't win that game but it was awesome to totally waste everyone's time. Martin and Phil were like "WTF?"Then we went to the Indian Restaurant.

Why are some people so critical of WOTC?

Scroll down to the bottom of this article and read where it says in other news. The end of this article is one of the most intelligent and sensible pieces of writing on magic I have seen recently. Wizards has been pushing lot of tournament staples at common and uncommon recently and since the creation of mythic rares, if they were as money-grubbing as people assume they are, they would have put all the tournament staples at mythic and rubbed their hands together Mr. Burns style.

Yet, this brings up a bigger question about a porition of the magic playing population. Of course, with every set and every change in magic there are those on message boards and forums that assume this is terrible for magic and will ruin the game forever. I'm not entirely talking about them, because there are many more sensible and rational voices in the magic community, including prominent pro players, that seem to be critical of WOTC more often than giving them credit for what they do right. In general, many people in the magic community seem to be critical of WOTC far more often than they are appreciative of what they do. I understand that magic is a game that to be skilled at requires attention to detail and a critical eye, and I'm not saying that WOTC is above criticism, since only Justin Beiber is.

What I am saying is that I want to appreciate the wonderful decisions and the amazing card game that has brought me hours of comradeship and enjoyment. WOTC overwhemly communicates with their audience and listens to them and are tirelylessly working to improve their game for all of their different audiences; how many other big corporations or games go as far as magic does to do these things? I don't agree with everything WOTC has done, but when you look at the big picture of the number of awesome sets they have made and the number of good decisions they have made, it seems overwhelmingly in their favor.

Finally, there is definitely a place for criticizing and analyzing other people in life, but I don't really want that to be a part of a card game that I play for fun. It requires a lot of energy to criticize and when I play magic I want to appreciate it and have fun. Life is better when we appreciate the good moments and brush off the details.

Memorable Magic Moments #1

1. Hanabi Blast Nastiness:

Hanabi Blast is by no means a good card. 2 damage for 1RR is makes me sneeze like a panda. (Old Chinese Proverb.) This card has the potential to go off over and over if you're lucky. Once I did get it to work to devastating affect though. We were playing multiplayer and some one had knocked out Phil and it was me V. Justin. I had to burn out Justin before he killed me with Meloku and it was almost dinner time. Over the course of 2 turns, I dealt Justin 10 damage through 5 iterations of Hanabi Blast. My Dad was up in the attic talking to us about something and nobody was paying full attention to him because we were all watching the epic awesomeness. Justin was at exactly 10 life. The 1st turn I had 5 cards in hand and 9 mountains in play. 1 Hanabi Blast and the other 4, let's say Wall of Rocks, Wall of Stone, Wall of Lava and Wall of Razors. I cast Hanabi Blast, discard Wall of Stone. 2 damage. Cast Blast again, discard Wall of Razors. 4 damage. Cast again. Discard Wall of Lava. 6 damage. Out of mana. Justin's turn. Meloku gets me down to 1 life. My turn. Play Hanabi Blast discarding Wall of Rocks. 8 Damage. Followed up by the last Hanabi Blast. 10 damage! All of us we're like "Holy Shit" only we couldn't say that because it would be rude to my Dad who was still talking. It worked like a monkey on steroids. This will forever be my coolest magic moment ever.

What are your most Memorable Magic Moments/Achievements?

My Fearless Magic Predictions

 1. Swords to Plowshares will be reprinted in the next three years.
From reciprocate to condemn to Path to Exile to Oust, Wizards has slowly been making better and better one mana white creature removal. A similar pattern preceded lightning bolt being reprinted (lava spike, volcanic hammer, char, incinerate, rift bolt) and with the way small creatures have been made more and more efficient it seems that STP is approaching an appropriate power level for white removal. Also, Wizards always has to thrown in some wow reprint cards in every core set and few cards seem to be as reprintable and have such a high-wow factor as this one.

2. Control Magic will be reprinted in the next three years.
Does control magic really seem that overpowered anymore? And once again Wizards seems to slow be printing better and better control magic-ish cards leading up to its reprinting.

3. Stone Rain will not be reprinted within the next three years.
Magic is just selling too well right now, partially because of the removal of more efficient land destruction and counter magic. Second turn land destruction god hands are not fun and three mana land destruction will be reserved for niche or sideboard cards like cryoclasm.

4. Scars of Mirrodin will have little in common with Mirrodin Block.
With colored artifacts as the new fad and the mistake of affinity and artifact lands, I doubt Wizards wants to revist Mirrodin without significant changes. My long shot guess is that an extended deck (if extended will even still exist anymore) will feature Mishra and some new hot artifact cards.

5. Dan will start playing magic again in the next three years.
Time is about due for him to bust out his tooth and nails and Sanka to duel once again.

It's Chicken Week.

Chicken Week is now over.

Magic Questions: The Reserved List

Today WotC has announced a change to their Reprint policy. Go here to read the announcement. If you are unfamiliar with the Reserved List, go here to read a great article on the subject written by Ben Bleiweiss of Starcitygames. A great deal of discussion has been generated since the announcement of Duel Decks: Phyrexia vs. The Coalition, which will contain a foil Phyrexian Negator (a card found on the Reserved List). According to the old rules of the Reprint policy, WotC was allowed to print premium (i.e. foil) versions of cards on the Reserved list. However, this usually only took place as Judge Reward foils, and thus did not greatly increase the amount of Reserve List cards in circulation. In fact Phyrexian Negator has already been reprinted as a judge foil. Of course the printing of Phyrexia vs. The Coalition changes things.

You may or may not have been aware of all the discussion going on about this subject. A great many people have been flipping their shit about Phyrexian Negator being reprinted. Not because of Phyrexian Negator or even most the cards on the Reserved list (Stephen Menendian calculated that the median value of all the cards on the Reserved list is 99 cents...thanks a lot Homelands!), but because of the dual lands. The prices for dual lands have been increasing by a significant amount in the last few years. This is usually attributed to the growing popularity of Legacy. For example, I can remember 4-5 years ago buying 4 Tropical Islands on eBay for $70.00. I just checked completed listings on eBay for 4 Tropical Islands and I found the average price to be about $184. Of course inflation is a factor too, but the price has more than doubled. I think the people freaking out most are those who have "invested" in dual lands thinking their prices would continue to increase rapidly and are afraid that WotC will start reprinting foil dual lands (even though WotC has never even suggested that might do something like this).

Some people are concerned that once prices reach a certain point (like comparable to the Power 9), people will stop trying to get into Legacy and it's numbers will drop to be similar to that of Vintage. As someone with many dual lands I am concerned, but I think I'd rather have a vibrant Legacy format than expensive dual lands. Plus, I bought them to play with not to resell for a profit and if they reprinted them I could pick up the few that I lack at a cheaper price. But I wanted to know what you thought about this. Is the Reserved list a good idea or not? Is the recent announcement that WotC will no longer be printing premium versions of cards on the Reserved list good or bad? Would it be good for WotC to reprint the dual lands in some fashion (thus getting rid of the Reserve list)? Or would it totally ruin Magic forever and start World War III?

PS: What does everyone think about the fact that the next big fall set will take place in Mirrodin?

PPS: My current plan is to come back to Raleigh in late July and stay through mid-late September. I hope you guys are around for some good times!

Hot Bath Question of the Week

 I just ate a bowl of carrots while taking a hot bath. What do you think is the most appropriate food to consume with partaking in a refreshing hot bath? I say grapes.

How to Plan A Picnic

The number one question people ask me in elevators is, "why is your mustache on fire?" or "how are you going to get all those Muppets passed airport security?" However, on escalators, it's "how can I plan an amazing picnic?" Here are my tips ordered by the amount of butter required.

1. If you see a line of ants approaching your blanket and singing gleefully, do not pee on them. They will try to carry away your picnic baskets or watermelons and urine is like a cocktail of cocaine, steroids, and Gatorade to them. Instead, set up a number of decoy picnics around the park with plastic watermelons. The ants will never know the difference! If the ants are giant or speaking French, run away.

2. If the security guard won't let you into the park without a pass, offer him with a tasty snack. Peanuts, popcorn, candy bars or pizza will all distract that lard ass into the euphoric pleasure of a tiny moment of the broken monotony from a long day of standing in the hot sun for just long enough for you to slip passed unnoticed.

3. Dental floss can serve as a makeshift tripwire if terrorists attack your picnic.

4. The best grassy spots in high profile parks are very competitive. Mark your territory with your feces all around your blanket and people will not disturb you.

5. Most importantly, nature will kill you if you fuck with it. Hurricanes, floods, bear attacks, earthquakes, and photosynthesis kill thousands of foolhardy, sex-obsessed teenagers every year.